Page 151 of Kneeling to Candy

When I count another sixty seconds, I nearly lose it. My head falls into my hands. I rock in place, desperate to soothe my nerves.

“Fuck,” I choke, missing my woman.

A piece of paper will be the end of everything good I have with her. This was always going to be the result, partly why I hid it from Candy. Doesn’t make my actions right, but it justifies my fear.

The soft rattle of the door knob has my head snapping to attention.

Holding the air in my lungs, I pray the person on the other side is Candy.

The door slowly swings open, and I’m greeted with the tear-stained face of my pink-haired goddess.

The air I was holding escapes me in a strangled sob. She’s here. My goddess came back. She may be sporting a frown on her pretty brow, but hey, I’ll take her anyway she comes if it means she’s still mine.

What little anger she still had on her face upon entering our suite fades as soon as she spots me.

“Butch, baby. Have you been waiting here for me this whole time?”

Hearing the concern in her voice teamed with a term of endearment gives me a dash of hope. “Yes. You told me to stay. I stayed.”

She shakes her head as she squats in front of me, taking me by the biceps to encourage me back on my feet. I don’t even care about the pins and needles stabbing me in my legs, too relieved to have Candy touching me, to be near me.

She’s here instead of blowing me off. That’s got to mean something. Right?

When I’m steady on my feet, Candy takes my hand and leads me to our couch. She sits and pats the seat beside her. “Come here, biker boy. Let’s chat.”

With my heart in my throat, I sit next to her, angling my body to face her. Candy has my full attention. I pray what she has to say won’t be the end of us. My mind is running wild. The fear of losing her has me holding my breath.

As if she can sense I’m spiraling and need her touch, Candy reclaims my hand in hers. Her deep brown eyes have me locked in her soft gaze. She looks nothing near as upset as she was earlier. If anything, she looks hurt. Her eyes are red-rimmed, no doubt how mine look, and her nose seems stuffy as she sniffles.

When she says nothing, I open my mouth to speak, but she holds a finger to my lips, shushing me.

Dropping her finger, she takes a shaky breath. “Of all the men I’ve encountered in my life, you’ve always wanted the best for me. You’ve done nothing to hurt me until now. Though I’m furious you did this, I’m hoping there’s a reason you felt hiding our marriage was necessary.”

Oh, thank fuck. She’s giving me some grace—a chance to fix my mess. No matter how bad my explanation sounds, I need to be honest. Candy deserves it.

“Let me be clear, sweetness. I don’t condone what I’ve done. You have every right to be angry with me. But I had a reason for waiting to inform you about us.”

Candy swipes at her nose with her sleeve, her hurt rising to the surface. “What reason could you have to hide it other than being ashamed of being married to me?”

Damn. My woman thinks I’m ashamed of her? That hurts. My free hand rubs at my chest where my heart is breaking for her.

“No. Never,” I swear vehemently, my voice coming across harsher than I mean it to. “Shame has nothing to do with it. The only one I’m ashamed of is myself for how I went about this.”

“Then why? You told me you love me. How can someone who claims to love someone hide something as serious as a marriage?”

Not wasting a second, I dive head first into explaining my messed up reasoning.

“Marriage with you was always my endgame. But with the circumstances of how we ended up married—wasted beyond reason—I was afraid I blew my only chance with you. You didn’t deserve to be married off in a drunken stupor to me with a goddamn sucker as your ring, not after all the shit experiences you’ve had in life. You deserved the fluffy ball gown, the four-piece strings playing the wedding march, and me in a damn tux.”

“Butch…” Candy whispers, with fresh tears in her eyes.

“Let me finish,” I plead. “You deserve this.”

She nods for me to continue.

“Like you, I had no recollection of it happening. It wasn’t until I found the marriage license in the hotel room that it all came flooding back to me. This wasn’t how things were supposed to happen between us, and I didn’t want you regretting being married to me. I panicked and hid the license in my cut. Instead of coming clean when we got back home, I did everything in my power to steamroll ahead, forming this romantic relationship with you. Claiming you as my old lady, moving you into my space without permission, and going fucking nuclear on those who hurt you, I did it all, so you’d fall as hard for me as I’ve been for you since the moment I met you in this club.”

Candy sucks in a ragged lungful of air, staring at me with bewildered eyes and her eyebrows arched high on her forehead.

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