Page 30 of Testing the Goalie

I’m ready to push my body to the limit, hoping it will help clear my mind and give me clarity about how I was feeling this morning with Ian.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

IAN

It’s been practically four days since Ben ran from my place, and every day, I’ve been itching to text him, each day getting worse than the one before. The only reason I haven’t is because I’ve wanted to give him some space.

His confused and afraid expression when he bolted out my front door is burned into my brain. The last thing I want to do is to scare him off even more by being pushy.

I’ve repeatedly played it all in my head, trying to figure out what happened and what I possibly did wrong. I still don’t fully understand, but it was right after a particularly sweet moment between us.

Maybe he’s afraid of catching feelings.

I wouldn’t be surprised, nor can I say I blame him, not with the way he was brought up. There’s a strong chance that he’s worried if he lets me in, I’ll eventually leave him, too, just like most people have. He doesn’t know me well enough yet, but I’m not that kind of guy.

Ben needs time to learn to trust me, and I’m willing to wait. I don’t care how long it takes. Even though we’ve agreed to a no-strings-attached relationship, I’m kind of already falling for him. Clearly, I’m not great at keeping my emotions out of our relationship. I’ve never had a problem keeping myself in check, at least not with others I have fooled around with. Maybe there’s just something different about Ben.

These past four days have dragged on and on. While at the school, I’m able to tune out my thoughts of Ben, at least during my lectures and class time, but the second I’m done, he’s back to the forefront of my brain every damn time.

It’s like clockwork, the gears ticking over until I’m done having to focus and can return to my growing obsession. I half expect a cuckoo clock bird to pop out of my head and shout, “Ben time! Ben time! Ben time!” It’s utterly ridiculous, but it’s where I’m at.

Thankfully, Friday is finally here, and the second my last class leaves for the day, I sink into my chair and pull out my phone. I need to check on Ben. I’ve wanted to give him a chance to gather his thoughts, but I’m done waiting.

Me: How was your week?

Ben doesn’t respond instantly, not that I thought he would. I just wanted him to know that I’m thinking about him.

How is he going to know I’m here for him if I don’t reach out?

Damn, maybe I should have touched base sooner. What if my silence was taken the wrong way? I don’t want him to assume I was freaked out by him bolting. I’m worried, obviously, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want him anymore.

Geesh, since when have I been the type of guy to overthink this much?

I give my head a shake and start to pack up my stuff. It’s time to go home. Ben will reach out when he’s ready. All there’s left to do now is wait.

There is a small bubbling of anxiety coursing through my veins as I make my way home, hoping I made the right decision to give Ben a couple of days to himself.

I’m walking through my front door and my phone buzzes in my pocket, and the worry instantly washes away.

Sweet Boy: Hey. Sorry for not reaching out sooner. I’ve been practicing like crazy. Our first game is in like two weeks, and the coaches are pushing our asses.

Maybe Ben hasn’t been ignoring me and has, in fact, just been busy. It makes plenty of sense. That’s exactly what he told me when he first proposed this plan. We both said we didn’t have time for a real relationship and that this would only be about getting our needs met. But just because that’s what we agreed to, it doesn’t mean I won’t still worry about him, especially with the way he left the last time we were together.

Me: It’s all good. I’ve been busy too. I was just wondering if you wanted to come over tonight.

Sweet Boy: Sorry. I made plans with my friends tonight.

My heart sinks a little at his message. I was hoping to have him over tonight. I wanted to make sure he’s actually okay. It’s one thing for him to send a text saying he’s fine, and another to see it for myself. But it’s also healthy for Ben to have a social life. He is in college, after all.

Has he talked to any of his friends about us? Did he confide in them after he bolted from my place? Are his friends people who will always be there for him, even if he doesn’t know it? I hope so because he deserves people like that in his life.

Before I have a chance to reply to his text, another comes in.

Sweet Boy: What are you up to tomorrow?

A giant smile spreads across my face.

Me: I’m free. Want to hang out?

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