Page 5 of The Northern Lights in His Eyes

“So you’re not in love with me?” Garvin squirmed in his chair, his head spinning wildly.

“Weren’t you listening? I don’t know. The last time I fell in love….” The pain in William’s eyes echoed what Garvin had felt for years after losing John. “You know how that ended.”

“Ambrose was a complete jackass and a gold digger. I know you cared for him, but he didn’t give a rat’s ass for you. But that isn’t your fault. Ambrose used you to try to advance his… thing… as some kind of social media influencer.” Garvin remembered the turmoil, though he had been preoccupied at the time and still hip-deep in his own grief. Still, he knew he’d been there for William because that was what friends did.

“Yeah. It never felt like that,” William said as he sat back in his chair. Sasha went over to him and placed his head on William’s lap. “I always thought I wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve to be happy.”

Garvin leaned to the side as William stroked Sasha’s head. “Look, Sasha sure seems to like you, and dogs have pure hearts, better than any of us. They know a good person.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe both of us have to try to let some things go.” He wasn’t sure how he could do that, but William made him see that he had to try. He had been holding on to his grief and his pain for so long that maybe he didn’t have anything else left. Maybe he didn’t know how to feel unless he had them.

William smiled. “See, aren’t you glad I came? You made a breakthrough.”

Garvin covered his mouth and coughed. “You really are a screwed-up pain in the butt.” Still, he couldn’t help smiling.

“It takes one to know one,” William retorted before getting up from his chair and wandering over to the window. “It seems like it’s really late with how dark it is.”

“You get used to it. Though I am ready for spring and summer. Then it’s light all the time, so we sleep now and stay awake most of the summer.” He winked, and William shook his head at the joke. “Still, it’s only a little after eight.” Leave it to William to show up on his doorstep—or in this case, nearly freeze to death and collapse in his carport—without any idea of what he was going to do. To make matters worse, he seemed to think he was in love with him. No matter what William said, you didn’t kiss someone else like that without feeling something.

God, what the hell was Garvin going to do? First thing in the morning he needed to find out what happened to William’s car and if it was even drivable. Then he was going to have to make sure William got back to Anchorage so he could go home. No matter how amazing that kiss had been, Garvin wasn’t prepared to have William work his way into his life. The guy was the poster boy for not thinking any further ahead than his nose, and Garvin needed more than that. He needed to know what came next. It was how he’d made it through these years of loneliness after losing John.

“It feels so much later.” William stood with his hands behind his back, rocking slightly from his toes to his heels. Garvin knew that movement meant William had something he was holding on to and wasn’t ready to talk about. One thing about William—he had no poker face. Still, Garvin figured he’d talk about what was on his mind when he was ready. Sasha joined William at the window, nudging his hands for pets, which he of course got. The dog could be a pest when he wanted attention he wasn’t getting. “What do you do to pass the time?” He didn’t look away from the window as the aurora grew brighter and more intense, filling a good deal of the northern half of the night sky. “Is there television?”

“Not here. I don’t really care for it. If I feel the need, I go down to the trading post. They have satellite and can get just about anything when the weather isn’t too bad. I do have internet, so if I really want to watch something, I can go online, but I don’t subscribe to a bunch of services.”

William turned to him, his mouth hanging open. “What about Real Housewives? The Kardashians?”

Garvin was about to laugh, but the intensity of William’s expression told him William was serious.

“How can you survive? I figured that even out here in the wilds of Alaska there would be some vestiges of….”

“Mind-numbing inanity?” Garvin joined him at the window. “Look out there. What do you see? That snow is two or three feet deep, and the lake is frozen nearly to the bottom in most places. It’s almost twenty-five degrees below zero, and I only have so much propane to last me through the winter. In the summer and fall, I cut a ton of wood from the acreage away from the lake, split it, and use it to heat the place during much of the winter. I fish in the summer, and I hunt moose and other game, which is a lot of what I eat.” He leaned forward. “Do you see the other house with lights on? That’s Joe and Marie. Joe has a share of a fish wheel that catches salmon. He gets more than he can use, so I buy the fish he doesn’t need and then process it into cans. It’s a real late-summer and early-fall production at their house to get everything put up quickly.”

“But you hate fish,” William said.

“Yeah, I used to. Now it’s a big part of my diet. I have a garden out back where I grow as many vegetables as I can here. Lots of potatoes and cool-climate greens. I have learned to do without tomatoes for the most part.”

“It sounds like hell,” William grumped.

“It’s actually pretty wonderful. I know everyone who lives within thirty miles or so. We help each other out. Last fall I got a huge bull moose. Joe helped me butcher it, and Alan—his place is across the lake—he’s mounting the head for me because it was worthy, in his words. I shared my bounty with a few others and was given bear and caribou in return. My freezers are full enough to last me through the winter, and for the things I need to buy, I teach school. I have a full life on my own, so I don’t need to watch someone else’s put-on, drama’d-up existence that’s edited and hyped for maximum eye-rolling effect.”

William seemed like he was in shock. “But….”

“Life here is hard. You should know that by now.” Garvin turned to William, all teasing aside. “If you had been out there for another half hour, you could have lost your feet or hands to frostbite. Another hour and you would probably have frozen to death.” Saying that sent a cold chill racing through him, because he knew in that moment that he did care and that it would have been a real loss. Fucking hell, that would have hurt. “This land up here isn’t something to be taken lightly.”

“I guess not.” Garvin blinked hard as William continued watching him. “I really could have died,” he whispered.

“Yes.” And the best thing to do was to get William back to the city and on his way to someplace warmer where he wasn’t going to get himself hurt… or worse. “You don’t have the gear to stay up here.” Garvin figured if he scared him a little and explained that he didn’t have what it took to be here, William wouldn’t argue about going back.

“Then is there a place where I can get the things I need? Obviously better boots, and a heavier coat and snow pants. Maybe your friends at this trading post can help me. I’m sure they sell stuff like that. You can take me over there tomorrow. I’ve got my credit cards and money. I took those with me when I left the car. The keys too. They’re in the inner coat pocket. I wasn’t going to leave that stuff to be stolen.”

Garvin sighed. “You want to stay? After everything you’ve been through?”

“Of course. I did come all this way and almost die.” The way William looked at him made all of the arguments against staying slip from Garvin’s mind. There were times when William was the most exasperating person on earth. “Besides, I wanted to see you again.” And just like he always did, he slipped past Garvin’s defenses, leaving him without an argument.

“If you’re sure.”

“Yeah. Besides….” William licked his perfect lips. “I know you’d never let anything happen to me.”

Fuck, what was he supposed to do with that? As Garvin tried to figure this shit out, William wandered through the main room of the cabin. “You know, this place is kind of cute. It needs a few things to make it more homey, though. I mean, you could use some curtains and stuff. It would help make the place warmer and more cozy.” He put his hands on his hips and turned in a slow circle. “The moose head will look great over on that wall. The rustic wood is really nice, and there’s even a hole already, so you won’t have to make another one. That’s really good.” He seemed to be exploring Garvin’s small living space. “So where are the bedrooms?”

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