Page 4 of The Northern Lights in His Eyes

Garvin shook his head. “Of course I am. You fly all the way up here, rent a car, which you abandoned in the snowbank, and then nearly get yourself killed by traipsing through the woods in ten-below weather in order to find me. What I really want to know is why. I left West Hollywood almost two years ago.”

William shrugged off Garvin’s anger. “I know you’re upset because you’re worried, and I know that you care.” He wasn’t sure what reaction he expected, but Garvin ground his teeth and his eyes blazed. William thought it was kind of cute. Not that he liked making Garvin angry, but at least the guy was feeling something.

“Of course I do. But I’ve built a new life here—”

William leaned over the table. “And you think, what? That your old life and those of us who care about you just didn’t matter anymore? You announced one day that you were leaving… and then poof, you were gone and we didn’t see you anymore. You sold the house you and John had, and then a few days later you were off to Alaska. Did you figure that we just stopped existing… or maybe we didn’t matter to you? Or was it John’s memory that didn’t matter to you?”

Garvin smacked his hands down on the tabletop, making Sasha jump and hurry over to him. “I left because I couldn’t take it anymore. John had been gone five years and I wasn’t healing. I should have been, but I couldn’t. John was everywhere—in the place where I lived, in the things I was surrounded by. Every day I went to bed and woke up to the things that were part of our lives together. I tried cleaning out parts of the house, but he was everywhere, even in all of my friends. So I decided to try to build a new life. My aunt Susan and her second husband built this place, and she left it to me when she passed away. So….”

“You decided to come up here and live in a summer cabin all year long. It was like you dropped off the face of the earth. We never heard from you, and some of us….” William felt his own anger rising. “Some of us really cared for you—still care for you—and you just flew away like some bird and never returned.”

“It’s been almost two years,” Garvin repeated.

William drew his lips into a harsh line, glaring at Garvin. “And you think that we’re going to stop caring for you, stop loving you, just because of a matter of months?” Okay, he was exaggerating the time, but Garvin’s departure had left a hole in William that he didn’t know how he was supposed to fill.

“Almost two years—”

“Potato, po-tah-to,” he countered and realized he sounded like a kid having an argument with his father.

“Let me get this straight. You came all the way up here and nearly died… for what exactly? What did you have to say to me that you couldn’t have just picked up the phone for?” Garvin’s eyes blazed with what might have been confusion or anger. William wasn’t sure.

“You don’t get it, do you?” William asked. “You never got it. After John died, there were plenty of us who were there for you. We stayed with you and made sure you didn’t feel like you had lost everything, even though we missed him too. John was also my friend, you know. I knew him before I knew you. He was the best man I ever knew, and then he was gone, poof, just like that.” William realized he was saying poof a whole lot in this conversation, but it fit, and every time he did, Garvin’s expression softened a little. “We—I missed him too. The same way you did, and I thought….” Maybe he was stupid. People seemed to think that about him, so maybe it was true.

“That still doesn’t explain why you made this whole trip up here. I have email, or you could have called.”

“Because if I did, you would have blown me off just like you did Shawn. He sent you emails and texts, and you never answered. We figured you were being an ass and shit. He gave up. But I knew where you were. I had the address of this place, so I decided to come up here and brave the elements like some gayboy yeti so I could see you and actually talk to you.” William sighed, but he refused to back down. If he was stupid, so be it, but at least he’d acted based on his heart.

“Okay, you wanted to see me. But there are easier ways and ones that don’t involve risking your life. And for the record, I never got anything from Shawn. I live out where things are rough, and I had to change a lot of things in my life. But still—”

William stood up and looked down at Garvin. “You want to know why I came all this way? Why I tried to walk all the way here?” He walked around the table and stood next to Garvin. When Garvin angled his head up to look at him, William thought about punching the man in the fucking nose just because he was being such an ass. But William had come all this way… and what the fucking hell. He’d do what he needed to… so he leaned down and kissed Garvin with every damned ounce of energy he had.

Chapter 3

“WHAT DO you think you’re doing?” Garvin asked once he could think straight again. William had kissed him, and instantly his mind had shut down all his thoughts, and his reasoning had skipped like an old-fashioned record. What was worse, he actually found himself kissing William back, because damn, he tasted good, smelled better, and…. But no. He couldn’t do this. He was not going to do something as stupid as this… with anyone.

“I’m showing you why I came all this way.” William didn’t back away, and he didn’t show the least sign of contrition. “I came here to tell you that I haven’t forgotten you and—”

“To kiss me? Was this some way of saying that you’ve been secretly in love with me all the years you’ve known me? Did John know how you felt?”

William rolled his eyes. “For God’s sake, get over yourself. I wasn’t pining for you when John was alive. You two were so in love, and everyone could see it. John was my friend, and so were you.” He stayed where he was, which only made Garvin more anxious.

“Then why?” He refused to touch his lips, even though they still tingled.

“Because at some point I developed feelings for you, and I thought that maybe you might feel the same way once you had a chance to grieve and heal. But you never did. You grieved and stayed stuck in that mode for so long.” William leaned closer once again, which raised Garvin’s temperature. “And then you fucking left, and I’ve been trying to figure out what to do about you ever since. So I came up here to see you again.”

“And make a pass?” Garvin snapped.

William actually smiled. “No. I figured you and I could talk and maybe I could think some things through and get over you. But then here you are, and I see your deep blue eyes and the way your hair sticks up in the back and wants to fall into your eyes when you lean forward. I remember John brushing it away, and I want to be the one to do that. I was never jealous of John. The kind of love you two had was amazingly special, and I guess I wanted it too.”

Garvin tried to process what William was telling him, but his head refused. This was the last thing he’d expected. William was handsome and always had been, with his blond hair that shone in the sun and a face that with one look could make you do just about anything. No wonder William was always in demand as a model. He could sell sand to a man dying of thirst in the desert. “And you thought kissing me was going to do what?”

“Words are cheap. I figured actions would speak a lot louder. It’s time you got back to the land of the living, and I wanted you to know that I hoped you could do that with me.” William seemed almost lost. “I guess I was just being my usual stupid self.”

“You’ve never been stupid,” Garvin said. “But how am I supposed to process all this? I wasn’t expecting to see you, and now I’m supposed to just deal with you being in love with me?”

William snickered. “And people think I’m the dumb one. I didn’t say I was in love with you, though I probably could be. I’m saying that I have feelings for you. I don’t know what they are, and I knew I never would unless I found you and tried to work it out.”

Now William was starting to really confuse him.

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