Page 18 of Antidote

Silence stretches between us as he gets out of bed and pulls a small box from his nightstand drawer. My stomach drops as he sits back at the foot of the bed, but then he seems to think about the distance between us and crawls toward me. He ends up kneeling in front of me, putting the box on the bed beside him, and taking my face in his hands. It’s a dangerous position to be caught in. If Mom or Dad were to open the door, he couldn’t really excuse this behavior with something else. It’s pretty obvious what’s happening—and I’m living for the danger of it.

“I have something for you, Blue.” He murmurs, brushing his lips against mine. He tips my head up and thrusts his tongue into my mouth, making my stomach flip. I’ll never get used to the way my body responds to him.

“What is it?” I ask, completely breathless by the time he pulls away.

Hunter smiles, grabs the small box, and shoves it into my hands. There are two rings, and I stare up at him in confusion. The rings are a dark gray metal on the edges, yet they have an iridescent effect on the center band. One of them is green, and the other is blue. My stomach flips as I look back at them and then at him again.

He must see the confusion on my face, making him smile. “One is for you, and one is for me.”

“Why?”

Hunter shrugs. “Because you’re mine.”

“Yours?”

“Mine.” He nods with a smile. “And I want to see it every day. I want proof that what we have isn’t all in my head. Because, Ollie…it’s not all in my head. Right? I’m not imagining that you feel something, too?”

My chest becomes tight. “You’re not.” I shake my head. “It’s not in your head.”

“Then promise me something,” he whispers as he gets the blue ring out and grabs my right hand, slipping it onto my ring finger. “Promise me you’ll never take it off, Ollie. No matter what. If we ever fall apart, we will always find our way back to each other.”

My eyes widen. I stare down at the ring, biting my lip to keep it from quivering. “Is this a promise ring?”

“This is whatever you want it to be.” He smiles softly. “Now, promise me.”

I smile back, “I promise.”

“Swear.”

“I swear.”

I take the green ring, and he lifts his right hand so I can slip it onto his finger. My hands both come to his, and I hold it up, admiring how it shimmers when I turn it. They’re beautiful, and it means something more to me than what I can explain. It makes me feel like my dreams can come true. Like what we have is real and can go the distance.

Thoughts of him and I together forever flood my mind. Marriage, a house, and even kids. I’ve never let myself think of it before, but now I wonder if this is what he’s trying to tell me without words. Is he trying to say that we can make it? That we will overcome all obstacles? All the odds stacked against us?

“I got you,” Hunter says, reaching for my face and cupping my cheek. His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, and he pulls it down slowly. “Always.”

“I got you back.”

And I do.

I really, really do.

18 YEARS OLD

North Carolina has never held much of an appeal to me. It’s hot and humid. Although there are rare moments—such as now—when I appreciate its beauty. Sitting in Hunter’s car as he drives aimlessly with his hand gripping my thigh, I stare out the window at the pine trees surrounding us. Moments like these make me appreciate the beauty of this town. Or maybe I’m just seeing everything through rose-colored glasses and can enjoy the beauty of everything because I’m happy.

If I’m being honest, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

We’re still having our midnight escapades, and after we’re both sated, we fall asleep holding each other. Sometimes, he snuggles up to me from behind, burying his face in the crook of my neck as he rests his arm over my side. Other times, he’s on his back, where I rest my cheek against his chest and memorize how his heart beats when he holds me in his arms.

I swear it’s different than when he’s not holding me. It’s different with every single thing we do together. When I go down on him, sometimes I rest my hand over his heart just so I can feel how he feels about me. And when he comes in my mouth, and I swallow him down, I sense the way it speeds up and tries to jump out of his chest. I want to catch it in my hand and never let it go. My favorite, however, is when he holds me; its soft, steady thump lulls me to sleep every single time. It’s calm, serene—nothing like the frenzy we feel when we’re holding each other back from fucking.

I’m not sure why we haven’t done it—fuck. But there’s nothing I want more. He holds back though, not me. Hunter’s still in denial. He can tell me he loves me, that he wants me. But he won’t admit to being gay. He can’t, he says. I think he cares too much about what people would think. I can understand that, but I’m sort of tired of being his dirty little secret. I want to be out in the open with someone who is proud of me being theirs. Someone who wants to hold my hand and kiss me in public, not just under the sheets as we gasp and moan into each other’s greedy mouths.

Hunter’s hand flexes against my thigh, and I peer over at him. It’s dark out, and it’s even darker in the car. I see the silhouette of his profile, of his straight nose and his full lips. I want to bite the bottom one and drag my teeth over it until he gasps. But I keep myself in check, if only because he said he wanted to come out here and have a talk. He wants to talk to me, which probably means he’s breaking up with me.

My heart flips and squeezes in my chest as he parks at Falls Lake, our little secret spot. It’s where we come when he takes me on night drives, which seems to be happening more often. Mom and Dad aren’t even suspicious, they are just glad we’re finally spending more time together.

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