Page 44 of Staying Selfless

“Yeah, baby?”

“She would’ve loved you.”

Her words make my chest swell as I look up to the ceiling, trying to contain my emotions. I know how much Logan’s parents mean to her, and the thought that they’d approve of their only child being with me does nothing but fill me with joy.

“I wish I could’ve met her,” I finally say, after making sure I don’t get choked up.

“Me too.”

A part of me is worried that I’m pushing Logan too much, but I’m placing my bets on the fact that I know my girl and this is her way of opening up to me.

“You said you miss her advice. What’s the best piece of advice she ever gave you?”

“To dump Zac,” she states without hesitation.

“Wow. I think I might love your mom. Her and I are on the same page with that one.”

“Yeah. I didn’t take her advice right away, but I figured it out eventually.”

I pause for a moment, unsure if asking the next question is a good idea, but Logan is working on her communication with me, so it needs to go both ways.

“Not to sound like the jealous boyfriend or anything, but did you see Zac when you were back in California?”

“What?” Logan asks in shock. “No, Eli. Of course not.”

A silence falls between us, and it’s not that I’m worried about Logan being faithful, that’s the last thing on my mind, but I don’t know how to express my concerns in the right way. Before I can put the words together, Logan articulates precisely what’s on my mind.

“Honestly, Eli, I’m pretty sure Zac is still in shock after seeing me that day. The real me is not the version he dated. I never stood up for myself, and I didn’t know how to voice my opinion or concerns. He caught me at a really vulnerable time in my life.”

Relief takes over that she feels exactly the same as I do.

“I can’t even explain to you how much I fucking hated hearing the way he spoke to you, Logan. I could just tell how manipulative he is, and it makes me so fucking pissed off to know that he pulled that shit on you. I don’t ever want you to feel like you don’t have your own voice.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking when I dated him. I was in a weak spot in my life.”

“That’s what guys like him do, though. They look for girls they can take advantage of. But he clearly didn’t know shit about you because you’re a badass bitch with her own mind.”

Logan starts laughing at my words.

“You are! You had no problem putting me in my place all the times I fucked up.”

“Yeah, well, things are different with you. They’ve always been different with you. I felt secure in how you saw me right from the beginning. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I could be completely me, and I somehow knew you respected me more for standing up for myself.”

I couldn’t agree more. Everything between Logan and me is different. Our relationship is different than the average twenty-two-year-olds. Our level of love and respect for one another is different than most first-time relationships. Everything with us is different, and it’s different in the best possible way.

“You’re right. I love that you call me on my shit. I was used to getting away with stuff, but you’ve made me a better man.”

That’s a gross understatement. I noticed the shift in myself when Logan and I got together, but even more so, I’ve seen the internal changes since Logan has been grieving for her parents. It’s like I’ve been forced to step-up and grow-up since everything has happened. Obviously, I would never wish the sadness and hurt on her, but if there’s one silver lining on my end, it’s that this trying time has made me a stronger man and better partner for her.

“But I kind of wish you did see him,” I add, changing the subject back to her pretentious ex.

“What?” She laughs with confusion. “Why?”

“Because then you could’ve seen how bad I fucked him up. I only hit him once, but he looked like shit afterward.”

We stay on the line for a moment, completely silent and utterly content.

“You know, you never told me why you’ve been living at your parents’ house and not at the hockey house,” Logan says, entirely changing the subject out of nowhere.

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