Page 243 of Staying Selfless

“Right back at you,” I counter, noting the expression she’s wearing as she stares at my brother.

“Fuck you,” she laughs.

“Fuck you too, Bertoli.” I swing my arm over my smallest friend’s shoulders.

My gaze flickers between Ali and the pair on the dance floor, her face saying way more than she realizes.

“You going to forgive him one day, or what?”

My arm heaves up then down thanks to the long breath Ali takes. “There’s nothing to forgive. He didn’t know it was my sister. It’s not his fault, but it doesn’t suck any less.”

“It’s a shitty situation, but Marc doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. You know that. He didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I’m more upset with my sister than anything. Amanda knew who he was that night.”

“Really? Would she do that to you? Intentionally?”

“Yep,” Ali sighs. “Long story, but we do not have a good relationship.”

“So, this is on your sister then. This isn’t really Marc’s fault at all.”

“I know. Still hard to get past, though, but I’m trying.”

“Not that this will make a difference, and this might be TMI, but just so you know, Marc hasn’t been with anyone since that night. He feels terrible.”

“He hasn’t?”

“He’s been devastated about it ever since. You know he would never do that to you on purpose. But yeah, no one since then and no one before. Not one other than you.”

“It’s not his fault. It shouldn’t stop him from living his life.”

“Well, he feels that way, so put him out of his misery soon, will you? You’re both happier together. Even if it’s just as friends.”

“I miss him, in more ways than one, but I don’t know how to get past the fact he slept with my sister. I don’t know how to get over that. Not that it matters, anyway.” Ali shrugs. “Marc is in Indiana. I’m in New York.”

“You should both be in Chicago. Logan and I need you guys. We always have.”

“My job is in New York,” Ali adds without conviction.

“The job that you hate,” I remind her. “You should be working for my dad. He’s been trying to poach you all year.”

“I can’t just drop everything and start working for Marc’s dad. That’d be weird.”

“The only person that’s making it weird is you,” I laugh. “At some point, you’ve got to stop making your life so difficult and let yourself be happy, Bertoli. Working with your best friend would make you happy.” I nod towards my wife. “And I think that being honest with Marc might make you happy too. I think you’d be happy in Chicago. I know we’d be happy to have you in Chicago.”

“You sound just like my new therapist,” Ali chuckles. “She always says that. ‘You have to let yourself be happy.’”

“Well, your new therapist sounds like a genius.” I nudge the little New Yorker. “Speaking of, Logan and I are really proud of you. I know she tells you that all the time, but I am too. We’ve both seen how much work you’ve put into yourself over the last couple of years.”

“Thank you, Maddison. I’m just trying to find myself right now.”

I don’t know how to tell her she has found herself. That the person she’s been since she moved to Minnesota is the real her. That she has a voice, and we all hear her, and we all know her. There’s nothing else she has to figure out. But I don’t know how to say that without making her feel like her own feelings are invalid. She’s tough on herself that way. I don’t know if she’s ever felt good enough or if she’s just really good at wearing that faux confidence.

Ali doesn’t expand as she keeps her gaze away from mine, but after three years of friendship and her being the female version of the old me, I know what she’s thinking.

“Bertoli, you’re the best friend. To my wife and to me, but at a certain point, you’ve got to start believing that you deserve good things. I tried to self-sabotage for years until I finally gave in and look what it got me. That smoke show over there.” I nod towards Logan on the dance floor. “She just married me. Let yourself be happy.”

The music shifts as Logan gives Marc a lingering hug, both of them holding on tighter than usual before they begin walking our way.

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