Page 228 of Staying Selfless

“We’re moving to Chicago,” I state as Eli tucks my hair behind my ear, cups my face, and firmly presses his smiling lips to mine. “I’m going to miss it here, though. Minnesota. The pond. All our friends.”

“I know. But they can visit us, and we can visit them. And I think you’ll have an easier time getting Ali to leave New York and visit Chicago rather than Minneapolis.”

“Does Marc know?”

“Not yet,” Eli sighs. “But he’ll be in Indiana, which is a lot closer than Minneapolis.”

“I want him to come with us.”

“Me too. But he’s worried about setting down roots in a place where I’m temporary. I’m pretty sure Chicago will be my long-term spot, but I don’t think Marc wants to make a big move until he knows we’re set somewhere, and at this point, I only have one year on my contract with them.”

I stand from the bench, climbing onto Eli’s lap, my back to his chest as he holds me. We stay still, looking out towards the water and soaking up our last visit to the pond for a while.

“I love you,” I remind him, keeping my gaze straight ahead. “And I’m really proud of you.”

“I love you.” He leans down, kissing my collarbone. “And I’m really proud of you, too. We’ve come a long way in the last couple of years.”

Eli’s entire body lifts and falls below me as he takes a deep breath. “There’s another reason I brought you out here.” He pulls out his wallet but keeps me securely held on his lap. “Do you remember that letter your mom wrote for me?”

“Of course.” Those letters have brought me so much hope and joy since I found them. I’ve reread the first one my mom wrote me countless times over the last year and a half, and just last night, I got to read a new one. The one she wrote me for graduation. They’re a little spot of light in my life, something that makes all the milestones that much more exciting, but I’ve never read the one that my mom wrote for Eli.

“I was thinking if you want to, that maybe today would be a good day to read it.”

“Really? I can read it?”

He pulls out a folded piece of paper from his wallet, wrapping his arms around me and holding it in front of us. “This is the original. I kept it in my wallet until a year ago when it started getting worn. I made a copy, and now that one stays in there, and this one normally stays at home.”

“Really?” My voice breaks, turning around to look into my favorite boy’s brown eyes. “You kept it with you?”

“Always,” he softly says. “It means a lot to me, and most of her words have been cemented in my mind. I think about it a lot, Logan, and I want you to read it. I want you to see what your mom wanted for you.”

I slip off his lap, back onto the bench beside him, my legs still draped over his. My eyes stay glued to the soft paper in my hand. I’ve wanted to read this ever since I gave it to Eli, but I could tell how much it meant to him to have a part of my family that was intended just for his eyes.

I had no idea that he kept it with him all this time, but I shouldn’t be too surprised. Eli values family above all else, the same way I do now too. And just like his family is mine, my parents are his.

As soon as my mom’s handwriting comes into view, her green ink covering the lined page, my eyes immediately begin to sting. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this without completely bawling my eyes out.

‘This feels strange, I must admit. I don’t know who to address this letter to, and if I can be honest, that makes me sad. If I had one wish, other than more time with my daughter, it’d be to know you.’

I wish she knew him. I wish she could’ve met him. But if I could talk to her now, I would tell her that she would’ve loved him. Eli’s natural charm would’ve quickly won her over. But I also wish she could see what an amazing man he’s become. She’d be proud of him the same way I am.

‘I’ve wondered what your name would be. I’ve wondered what your family would be like, and I’ve even wondered if your parents and us would be friends.’

His first name is Eli. His last name is Maddison, and soon, mine will be too. His parents are two of the world’s greatest people, and you and dad would’ve been the best of friends with them.

I continue to read, my eyes spilling over with tears as my mom describes the person I am to Eli. My parents always built me up and encouraged me, but it’s different when you’re a kid, and you’re listening to the two people who love you the most in life sing your praises. But to read the words, the last and only words my mom would say to the love of my life, describing me as selfless and strong, does nothing but make me emotional.

‘There will never be enough words in the English language to express to you how much John and I love Logan. But now that we are gone, it’s your responsibility.’

‘So that’s what this letter is for. It’s a plea, really. To love her and to protect her. To support her and cherish her. We aren’t there to do it, so please do it for us. We are passing the responsibility on to you.’

The tears won’t stop running down my cheeks as Eli wipes them away with his thumb, but I continue reading through my blurry vision.

‘I hope you treat her right. I hope that you challenge her to be the best version of herself as I would expect she does for you. And I hope that you show her all the things that life has to offer. She had to grow up way too quickly and take on responsibilities that should’ve never fallen on her shoulders in the first place. I hope you can ease the burden that life has placed on her. I hope you respect her for the strong woman she is and remind her of that when she’s feeling weak. I hope you make each other happy because she deserves to be, and I hope you can fill the void of family that she has lost.’

If my mom were here right now, I’d tell her that Eli has done all those things and more. He’s not only made my life easier, but he’s also made my life more beautiful. He’s blessed my life with his unwavering love and commitment to me, his always present encouragement lifting me up, and he’s given me an entire family that I cherish with my whole heart.

‘I might not know your name, but I hope you know how much John and I appreciate you. I’m sure that since Logan loves you, we would’ve too.’

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