Page 17 of Staying Selfless

I don’t know how long we’ve been standing here, and to be honest, I couldn’t give a fuck if this is weird for everyone else around us, but Logan must notice that the rest of our table is already seated and waiting for us to join.

She releases herself from my grasp as her hands graze down my arms. They ever so slightly intertwine between my fingers for a moment, and just that little touch ignites my entire body.

I want to hold her hand in mine forever and never let it go, but I’m also trying not to suffocate her. It’s a tricky line to walk, especially when I’m typically living on the side of needy, touchy, and maybe a bit obsessive.

Logan walks to the other side of the table. “Hey, Jack,” she says with a half-smile as my dad stands to greet her.

“There’s our girl.” He draws her in for a hug.

I pull out Logan’s seat for her, between mine and Mary’s, as she begins to peel off the astronomical number of layers she has on to keep her warm.

I can’t help but laugh. I try to suppress it by biting on my lower lip, but it’s no use. She heard me.

“Shut up,” Logan says with the sweetest smile that I haven’t seen in far too long.

Bending down, I push her seat in for her. “Thank you for coming,” I whisper before quickly kissing her temple and taking my place at the table.

The server comes over and takes our drink order. I stick to water because I have to play in the morning, but everyone else gets something a little more exciting.

I watch as the table converses. Ali seems surprisingly nervous while talking to my parents, and Marc looks like he’s waiting intently for his mom’s approval. Mary disliked Lauren almost more than I did, so I understand his nerves. Even though he and Ali aren’t together, it’s evident that it’s only a matter of time.

Logan stays quiet as she watches our friends. She’s almost blank, like it’s taking everything in her to be present right now. She seems drained and tired, but she’s trying to put a brave face on for us all.

“We missed you over the holidays, Logan.” Mary changes the subject, pulling her attention away from Marc and Ali.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” my dad quickly interjects. “We have plenty more years to celebrate together.”

God, I hope that’s true.

“I wish you would’ve come to New York or something,” Ali says. “I don’t like that you were alone for Christmas.”

“Sorry, Al,” Logan genuinely apologizes, looking down at her lap.

If I know her at all, which I do, she feels guilty for making people worry about her. She hates attention, negative or otherwise.

“Did you get to do anything fun while you were back in California?” Ali asks. “I bet the weather was nice.”

Once again, Logan averts her gaze from us as she looks down to her lap, where I can see her fumbling with her hands. The shield she was trying to wear for us, making her seem like she was okay for just a moment, is quickly fading, and the shell of her grief is beginning to cover her pretty features once again.

“Did you get to see any old friends?” Ali continues, utterly unaware of the uncomfortable expression on Logan’s face as she recalls the last month she spent in her hometown sifting through her dead parent’s belongings.

“Or what about—”

“Ali,” I interrupt, putting my hand on Logan’s thigh under the table. “Stop.”

Logan visibly relaxes from my touch, and I’m pretty sure I do too.

I doubt that Ali knows the full extent of what Logan is going through. Logan has never been quite as open with her as she has been with Marc and me.

“Shit. I’m sorry.” Ali’s expression is completely genuine. “I’m trying to be normal with you, but maybe I’m trying too hard. I don’t know what the right thing to say is.”

“Don’t apologize. I know you’re just being a good friend,” my girl says. “And you don’t have to try to say the right thing. I’m just a little out of it right now.”

Logan gives Ali an appreciative grin, but it doesn’t meet her eyes. The sassy, fun Logan that made a brief appearance at the beginning of the night is already gone.

“Let’s talk about something else,” Marc suggests. “EJ, how was your first day?”

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