Page 165 of Staying Selfless

I hadn’t realized I made that decision until the words came out of my mouth. But there it is. And it’s the right thing to do. It’s one thing to sacrifice a year together when it was just the two of us, but not when there’s a child involved. Besides, I don’t have enough faith in myself to do this without him.

“As your best friend, I want to tell you to stay. I want to tell you to think about yourself for once in your life.” Marc’s face is covered in pride. “But as EJ’s brother, I want you to go. And I’m glad he found you and that you have the heart you have.”

I give him a grateful smile without using words because, at this point, I think the words are going to be cracked and broken if I try to speak.

I love Marc. I love Eli. I love their faith in me, but that doesn’t change the deep-seated fears that are buried inside of me, crippling me.

“I love you, Logan, you know that. As my future sister and as my best friend, I fucking love you, and you can do this.”

“But what if I can’t? What if I fail at this whole thing, the same way I failed with my mom?”

Marc searches my face for a moment, unresponsive to my questions.

“Are you still hungry?” he asks, changing the subject. “Do you still want to go to dinner?”

Huh?

“Um. No, not really.”

“Okay.” He stands from the ground. “I’m going to send you something. If you’re not going to listen to me and see how fucking capable and strong you are, Logan, then maybe you’ll listen to someone else.”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll see. Grab your computer.” He ducks out through my door before quickly peeking back into my room. “Hey. I love you, and everything is going to be alright, okay?”

I nod my head without being fully convinced as Marc takes off and closes my door behind him.

Gathering myself, I take a deep breath and stand from the ground before falling back onto my bed. Before I open my laptop, I grab my phone, finding multiple missed texts from Eli.

E: Phone sex tonight? Followed by the eggplant and water droplet emoji.

This man is about to be a father.

E: How did your appointment go?

E: Logan?

E: Baby, please tell me you’re okay.

Missed call from Eli.

E: Logan, you’re freaking me out. Please answer.

Shit. I type back as quickly as possible.

L: Sorry, I was with Marc! Kidney looks great!

And not a single word of that was a lie.

E: You’re okay?

L: I’m great.

Okay, that was a lie.

E: Thank God. Trying to give me a heart attack, woman? Back to my original question...phone sex??

L: Rain check? So tired from midterms this week.

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