Page 11 of Staying Selfless

The last one is my new favorite. Eli and I are cuddled up, passed out on his parent’s couch after Thanksgiving dinner with Max right there in the mix. Even though Eli is fast asleep, his arms are holding onto me so tightly that he’s squishing me into his chest. Marc probably captured this one, seeing as he was sitting exactly where this picture was taken.

Lastly, there’s a folded note sitting right in front of all my new framed photographs.

I just wanted to remind you of all the people who missed you while you were gone.

I’m sorry for how I reacted last night. I was just surprised to see you.

But so fucking happy, you have no idea. Please come to Chicago with Marc. I need you there.

I’ll always need you, just like I’ll always love you.

-E

It’s funny that Eli always signs his name as ‘E.’ I mean, his name is only three letters, but I love that his notes are signed this way. They feel like they’re meant solely for me.

A few tears fall because, apparently, I’m a crier now, but they aren’t sad tears. They’re happy ones and grateful ones. Grateful that Eli and I are okay on some level. Grateful that I have all these people in my life and grateful that he still needs me, even though I told him not to. It makes me feel less frustrated with myself for how much I need him. As much as I don’t want to admit it, I’ve always needed that man.

“You ready?” I stop in the doorway of Marc’s dorm room later that evening.

He looks up at me from his desk before closing his laptop. “Yep,” he says before throwing a jacket on over the jersey that Ali bought him for his birthday.

“Is that Eli’s laptop?” I eye the closed computer on my best friend’s desk.

“Yeah. I forgot mine in Indiana. My mom is bringing it to me, but EJ let me borrow his while he’s in Chicago.”

“First your keys, then your computer?” I jokingly insinuate. “What’s gotten into you? Forgetfulness is not a very Marcus Jones trait.”

“Yeah, well, my mind has been a bit preoccupied lately.”

“Ali?” I ask with a knowing smile and a shoulder nudge.

“No, you punk.” Marc laughs, swinging his arm over my shoulders while we walk out the lobby doors and into the freezing January breeze. “You. I’ve been worried about you.”

“I’m sorry, Marc.” I jump into his car as he gets into the driver’s seat of his Jeep, turning on the engine and blasting the heat. “I know I hurt you, and Eli, and maybe even Ali. If it’s possible for Ali to get her feelings hurt. That wasn’t my intention. I’m just really confused right now with everything in my head. I didn’t mean to drag you guys into it as well.”

“Logan.” He releases an exhausted breath. “Stop fucking apologizing. You’re allowed to have bad days. That’s what we’re here for. In the same way that you take care of us, we want to take care of you. You just need to start letting us.”

I give him a half-smile before he pulls out of his parking space and begins the drive towards downtown Minneapolis.

“Are your parents upset with me for missing Christmas?” I have so many questions I want to ask about the last three weeks—things I want to ask Eli too.

“Are you kidding me?” Marc laughs in disbelief. “Not at all. They totally understand, especially my dad. But they missed you. In fact, my mom almost bought us all plane tickets to come see you, but EJ stopped her.”

“He did?”

Marc quickly glances at me before locking his eyes back on the road.

“Not because he didn’t want to see you. He tried really hard to respect your decision to go back to California alone.” He pauses before releasing a deep sigh. “Logan, he’s a fucking mess. I can’t even explain to you how fucked up he’s been over the last few weeks. But he’s trying to give you the space you need because he wants you to know that you can do this.”

I’m attempting to hold back my emotions. I already feel terrible about everything, and the combination of trying to grieve my mom and the guilt over what I put Eli through is a hard pill to swallow.

Marc quickly looks at me again before continuing.

“He told me about your conversation. That you felt like you need to get through this on your own. Which, by the way, you don’t. But EJ wants you to be able to stand on your own two feet because that’s what you feel like you need to do. He’s trying to be supportive of you, even if it’s killing him.”

“He’s too good to me.” I swipe a fallen tear away.

“Are you crying?”

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