Page 12 of Staying Selfless

“I’m always crying,” I laugh. “It hasn’t stopped in weeks. I’m not even sad right now.”

“EJ has come a long way from the guy who bombarded you in the showers and stalked your class schedule to get your attention,” Marc says with humor. “Our boy is growing up and respecting boundaries and shit.”

“Do you think I ruined everything?”

Once again, Marc gives me a pointed glance.

“Logan, my brother would probably marry you tomorrow if you’d let him.” Which makes me laugh. “I know you think I’m kidding, but I’m not.”

“Eli deserves more than this broken shell of a person that I am right now.”

“You’re not broken. You’re just going through it. But I’m pretty sure my brother is going to love you until the day he dies. So, do me a favor and stop pushing him away. You know better than anyone that EJ looks tough on the outside, but he’s not. Even if you need the space to grieve by yourself, just let him be around. Even if it’s just the tiniest bit, that will go a long way for him.”

“I haven’t said this in far too long, Marc. But I love you, and I’m so grateful that you’re my best friend.” I pause. “And my family,” I add, which makes Marc’s smile grow as he keeps his eyes on the road.

“I love you so much, Logan. It’s ridiculous. And even though you have the title of ‘best friend’ right now, I really want you to be my sister one day, so put the guy out of his misery soon. Please.”

We continue to drive in comfortable silence as we head deeper into the city for the Kings’ game that I bought Marc tickets to for his birthday.

We drive past the stadium as my eyes stay locked on the arena in confusion. “Didn’t we just pass it?” I point my thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the building.

“That’s not the Timberwolves’ arena. That’s where Minnesota’s NHL team plays.”

I had no idea that Minnesota had an NHL team. How did I not realize this? But, before I can get lost in a rabbit hole of hopeful thoughts, Marc stops me.

“I can see your wheels turning from here,” he says, keeping his eyes on the road ahead of us. “And not to be a dick and crush your dreams while you’re down, but Eli won’t be signing there.”

Well, that quick burst of hope faded real fast.

“There’s not even the tiniest chance?”

He shakes his head before giving me an apologetic grin. “Minnesota is at the top of their division, and they’re probably going to make a deep playoff run. There’s no way they’re going to make any trades. Not to mention that their budget is maxed out, so even if they wanted to sign new players, they literally can’t.”

Well, that all sucked to hear, but I guess I’m glad I know now rather than get my hopes up that Eli could be sticking around town.

“Where do you think he’ll end up?” I ask. “Dallas?”

“Dallas is the most likely at this point. If not there, maybe Tampa or Vancouver.”

“Those are all really far away.”

“It’s just for a year, Logan. Or maybe a year and a half if he gets called up soon. You don’t think you can do it?”

“I want to.”

Part of the reason I went back to California alone, besides the obvious, is that I’m trying to regain some of my independence. I want to be able to handle the distance between us if Eli leaves, but I’m not there yet. I feel the weakest I’ve ever been.

“Would you go with him?” Marc asks as he parks his car. “If EJ gets called up, would you go?”

I shake my head while giving him a sad smile. “I want to finish school.”

“Good.” We climb out of his Jeep and head towards the arena. Marc swings his arms around my shoulder, trying to keep me warm. “Even though you have EJ now, I still feel the same about why I wanted you to move out here in the first place. I want you to put yourself first, Logan.”

I love watching Marc watch his favorite basketball team from our court-side seats. He looks like a kid on Christmas Day as his eyes light up every time one of the 6’8” beasts comes close to our chairs. His team is getting blown out right now, but Marc could care less. He’s just happy to be here.

Tonight has been such a welcome relief from the sadness I’ve been wallowing in. I needed to get out of my lonely room, but more than anything, I needed a night with my best friend.

“Are we gonna talk about Ali or what?” I ask Marc as soon the first half is over.

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