Page 107 of Staying Selfless

“Are you guys okay?” Marc asks with concern. I peel my eyes away from the stovetop to look at him, his brows furrowed with worry.

It’s funny because usually Logan and I are so in sync with each other that for us to be a little off is no more than the equivalent of an average couple’s typical interactions. But still, apparently, Marc noticed.

“Yeah, of course. I just brought up a touchy subject at a terrible time, and we haven’t had a chance to talk about it yet.”

Which is true. Once everyone got back from skiing, we didn’t have a second alone until we went to bed. But even then, Logan was out like a light five minutes after she cuddled her freezing body up to mine, wearing my shirt.

“Not to get all up in your business, but do you want to talk about it with me?” my brother offers just as my dad joins us in the kitchen.

I keep my gaze focused on the three plates in front of me, evenly distributing the veggie scramble and avoiding Marc’s eyes.

“Logan doesn’t want to have kids,” I tell them both candidly, needing to get it off my chest.

“Like ever?” Marc asks with disbelief.

“Never.” I hand my dad his breakfast.

“There’s no way.” Marc hovers his fork over his eggs, seeming to be too surprised to eat right now. “That girl loves others way too hard not to want her own kids one day.”

“Why don’t you look fazed in the least?” I turn to my dad with skepticism. “Has she said something to you?”

He shakes his head with his mouth full. “No, but I’m not surprised.”

“How are you not surprised? How does someone like Logan not want kids? It makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense,” my dad casually says as I wait for him to expand. He looks up at me, noting the impatience in my expression. “EJ, she just spent years taking care of her dying mother, then felt like she failed at it. Give her a little grace and time. I would imagine she’s afraid of that kind of responsibility right now.”

I feel my features soften as I take in his words.

“This is clearly something you guys need to discuss for your future together, but I get her point of view. Not to mention when you experience the kind of loss that she and I have, there can be a real fear embedded into you about losing anyone else. Sometimes it feels safer to keep your circle as small as possible for that reason alone.”

“Is that how you felt?” I ask my dad, needing a little insight into Logan’s mind.

“Yeah, I did. After I met you and Mary.” He nods towards my brother. “I had an irrational fear that something bad was going to happen to the three of you. It took me quite some time to get over it.”

“So, you think she’ll eventually change her mind then?” I ask him with hope.

“I can’t say either way for sure, EJ. That’s something you need to discuss with Logan. But you need to take whatever she says as the truth. You can’t go into it planning for her to change her mind down the road.”

“Does it change things for you?” Marc asks. “If she’s adamant about not having kids, will that change your opinion of whether she’s the right person for you?”

I can see the pain on his face as the words leave his lips. He hates even having to ask.

“Honestly, no,” I say truthfully. “I didn’t even think about future kids until I met her. And it’s not like I want kids just to have kids. I want her kids. So, if I have to pick between children and her, I pick Logan every time.”

A small, satisfied smile forms on Marc’s lips, hearing me reaffirm that Logan is the one for me.

“But that means you’re going to need to have a shitload of kids,” I tell my brother. “If I can’t have my own, then I’m going to need to be an uncle at least.”

The girls come back sometime later as I’m standing over the sink, doing the dishes that Marc conveniently forgot to scrub before his afternoon nap. Logan’s arms snake around my waist from behind before her cheek rests on my back.

“Hi.”

“These are cute.” I lift her hand from my stomach, admiring her light pink fingernails that now match her toes.

“Thanks,” she says against my skin. “How’s the ankle feel?”

“Pretty good. I’m going to ice it one more time before I get ready.”

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