Page 195 of Staying Selfless

L: You’re where you’re supposed to be. You’ve got this.

E: I wish you were coming tomorrow. I don’t know how to do this without you.

I also wish I was going to his game tomorrow. Dallas is on the road, playing in Chicago tomorrow night, and it’s Eli’s first time in the lineup. I’ve dreamt of being at his NHL debut since I met him, but I can’t travel right now because of my surgery. So, Ali and I will be watching him on the big screen in the living room instead.

“How’s our girl doing today?” Jack squeezes my shoulders.

“Better,” I tell him honestly as he rounds the sofa, sitting on the opposite side of me.

“I just got off the phone with the insurance adjuster, and the insurance money for your car should be coming through pretty soon.”

“Thank you for doing that. I didn’t mean to put that on you.”

“I’m happy to help. You have too much going on right now to worry about that or the legal side of things.”

“Speaking of,” I begin. “Any word on the other driver.”

“He was arrested that night and blew way over the legal limit. The charges are pretty cut and dried. There’s camera footage outside of the bar that shows him running the red light. And apparently,” he sighs, “your boyfriend beat the shit out of him right there on tape.”

“He did not,” I state in shock.

“Yep, he did.”

“Can Eli get in trouble for that?”

“They asked the other driver if he wants to press charges, and he said no. He’s not trying to fight anything, so that’s good.”

“Your son, by the way.”

“Hmm?”

“You called him my boyfriend, but Eli is your son, too.”

“Oh hell no.” Jack raises his hands in defense. “When he does stupid shit like that, I stake no claim on the kid.”

Jack and I share a laugh, which feels good. It hurts my body, but it’s good for my soul.

“I wanted to check in with you before we left for the airport. I know you said you’re doing good, but how are you really doing?”

This guy is practically my father at this point and knows me way too well.

“I miss Eli a lot,” I tell him honestly. “I’m worried about him. He’s never dealt with this kind of sadness before.”

“I’m worried about you,” Jack counters. “How are you handling it?”

I hold eye contact with Jack for a moment, deciding whether or not to lay it all out there. I haven’t wanted to burden anyone in this house with the hurt I’m feeling, especially because their son is dealing with the same thing, but if there is anyone I can be honest with, it’s Jack.

“I’m sad.”

Jack’s expression softens as he nods in understanding, waiting for me to elaborate.

“I didn’t think I even wanted kids until I found out I was going to have one, then just as quickly as I knew about it, it was gone. I just feel like as soon as I loved it, they left. But I feel bad admitting that because Eli already feels guilty about the whole thing, even though it’s not his fault, and I don’t want to add my sadness onto his guilt.”

“You’re allowed to be sad, Logan. You don’t need to always think about other people’s feelings first.”

“I can’t help it.”

Jack lets out a chuckle. “I know.”

---