Page 48 of Becoming Selfish

“Please,” he pleads, his red-rimmed eyes softening as he looks at me.

I keep my stare on him as the confusion begins to set in. “Why aren’t you at your party?”

“Why aren’t you at my party?” he asks drunkenly, leaning against the elevator frame, once again trying to be playful.

I contemplate not answering his ridiculous question, but he continues to stare at me smugly, silently waiting for a response.

“You know why. I’m done with parties for a while.” I pull my eyes from his and push the close button, wanting to get away from him before my walls begin to break down.

In my peripheral view, I watch his face fall a bit from my direct response. What did he expect, though? That I would go over to his house again and pretend as nothing happened?

I’m hoping my somewhat harsh answer will cause him to leave, but instead, he stands up straight and asks, “Can I please come up and talk to you?”

I’m trying to avoid looking directly into his warm brown eyes. The tone in his voice sounds desperate, but I don’t want to give in to him. He’s used to getting what he wants, and I don’t want to be another girl he can walk all over and expect to be forgiven so easily.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea. You should go home, Eli.” This time there’s less determination in my voice than before.

“You’re telling me you’d rather me drive home...drunk than let me stay and talk to you?” He cocks his head and gives me an arrogant smile.

“I thought you said you weren’t drunk,” I reply smugly just as the elevator starts to annoying beep at us, thanks to Eli standing in the way of the door.

His face softens, losing its cocky edge as he chuckles and shakes his head. “You’re annoying,” he teases as he steps inside the elevator with me, the doors closing behind him.

“What are you doing here?” I ask him directly, turning to face him. I don’t want to joke around with him, his charm is already beginning to wear at my resolve, and I’m not ready for my walls to be broken down just yet.

“You weren’t responding to any of my texts.” He shrugs as we ride the elevator up to my hall.

“I turned my phone off.” I direct my attention to the closed doors, straight ahead.

“Oh. Why?” he asks. I can see his reflection through the metal, noting the hurt on his expression as he looks down at me.

“Because I wanted to be left alone.” I look him straight in the eyes. “Which clearly didn’t work,” I add, as I once again turn my attention ahead, facing the doors. I know I’m being mean right now, but I don’t know how else to keep my defenses up against him.

Thankfully the elevator stops on my floor, and as soon as the doors open, I dash out of there, speed walking down the hall, trying to get away from him, and needing to create some distance from the magnetic pull he seems to always have on me.

“Logan, please,” Eli begs from down the hall behind me.

I slowly turn to face him with my hand on the doorknob to my room. He’s still standing in front of the elevator with desperation coating his face.

“I don’t want to talk, Eli. All I want to do is watch my show in peace,” I explain as my shoulders drop. Even though the words tell him one thing, I can sense my body language is saying the complete opposite.

“Then we don’t have to talk. Can I at least just stay for an episode and sober up? Then I’ll go. Promise.” His request is laced with sincerity, but there’s also a bit of desperation in his voice.

I know it’s a bad idea. I know I should make him leave. But, as annoyed as I am with him right now, I still want him near me. It feels good to have him in my space. I want to give in, but I feel disappointed in myself that I’m not stronger when it comes to this boy.

“You might not want to stay. You don’t even know what show it is yet,” I add, not knowing what else to say to hold him off.

“Logan, I don’t give a fuck about the show.”

“Fine,” I sigh. “You can stay. But only for one episode.” I try to sound stern as I avoid looking in his direction, walking into my room, but I can sense his presence following behind me.

I plop myself back on my indented bed, making myself comfortable once again.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see a proud grin spread across Eli’s face. He closes my door before standing directly in the center of my room, asking for permission to sit on my bed with me.

“The floor seems like a good spot for you,” I tell him without sarcasm, keeping my eyes ahead on the television.

Eli lets out a little chuckle, making himself as comfortable as he can on my floor.

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