Page 37 of Becoming Selfish

On multiple occasions, I was told that Eli slept around a lot, and I was even warned that he can be an asshole. Neither of these things should surprise me, but the guy I got to know over the last week was different from the picture painted for me by everyone else’s opinions. I really thought he was different around me.

I laugh aloud at my ridiculous thought. I’m an idiot.

My coming here for school was to focus on myself for a change. I was supposed to come here and study, spend time with my best friend, and not let another stupid boy make me feel like I’m not good enough. I’ve been here for seven days, and I’ve already failed miserably. Honestly, I shouldn’t even be upset right now. It’s not like I can be what Eli needs. He wants a hookup, that’s clear, but I’m not a hookup type of girl. I’ve never even had sex before, though he doesn’t know that yet.

“Logan.” I hear his voice behind me before I feel his hand on my shoulder.

“Go back inside, Eli.” I pull away from his touch.

Without turning to look at him, I begin walking around to the side of the house. There are too many people on the back deck to make a fool of myself in front of.

The side alley of the house is narrow but empty, and there’s not much light, which is a good thing. I don’t want him or anyone else to see how upset I am right now.

“Logan, what’s wrong?” Eli asks, ignoring my request for him to leave as he follows me into the alley.

“Nothing. Just leave me alone.” I continue walking away from him.

“No.”

“What?” I stop in my tracks and turn around to face him.

“No, I’m not going to leave you alone,” he says, standing a few feet away from me with his arms crossed. “Is this because I kissed Alyssa? Well, she kissed me, but you know what I mean.”

I scoff at his arrogance. “Not everything is about you, Eli.” I refuse to let him know he’s right.

“You were the one all over Patrick, so you have no right to be upset right now,” he retorts, raising his voice.

“What?” My eyes widen as I take a couple of steps towards him. “Are you kidding me?” I shake my head. Now I’m the one with the raised voice. “I barely talked to the guy! He was apologizing for being a drunken asshole last week!” I motion towards Eli, “Sound familiar?”

He rolls his eyes and adjusts his hat in frustration, turning it around, so the brim faces the back.

I could not be more annoyed with him right now. He’s mad at me? He thinks I’m the one in the wrong here?

Turning away from him, I continue down the alley. I don’t know where I’m going, I just know that I need to get away from him.

Before I leave, I turn and add, “And just so you know, the only reason I even forgave him was because he’s your roommate, and I didn’t want living with him to be awkward for you!”

“I don’t give a shit about having to live with him!” Eli yells, walking towards me, leaving only about a foot between us. “I don’t want you talking to him!”

“Well, I don’t want you talking to Alyssa!” I snap.

“What?” His eyes widen in surprise.

Shit. “Nothing.”

“Logan, what did you just say?” Eli lowers his voice, stepping towards me again, and closing the gap between us completely.

I stay silent.

He takes a deep breath, lowering his voice. “Listen, you have all the power here, so if you don’t want me talking to Alyssa or anyone else for that matter, all you have to do is say something.”

I pause for a moment, absorbing the words he just said. He’s only inches from me, but I know I couldn’t have heard him correctly.

“What?” I ask in disbelief.

“You heard me.”

All I have to do is tell him that I don’t want him to be with anyone else. Of course, I don’t want him to be with anyone else, but I’m not sure I can give him enough of what he’s looking for to ask that of him.

---