Page 38 of Becoming Selfish

Looking away from him, I shake my head. “I don’t know, Eli. I don’t know what I want,” I lie.

He puts his finger under my chin, lifting my face to look at him. His lips are only inches from my mouth, and his brown eyes are soft as they try to read mine. “Yes, you do, Logan,” he says in almost a whisper. “And I know what I want, so the ball is in your court.”

Chapter 33

Logan

My gaze bounces from his eyes to his mouth and back again. Eli’s lips are so close to mine that I can feel the heat radiating off them, causing me to no longer remember why I was so upset with him. All I can think about is how it would feel to have his mouth on mine. I have to know.

My tongue slyly wets my lips as I lean up. He meets me partway, gently pressing his mouth to mine. His lips are warm and soft, causing my stomach to tighten and my lungs to be short of air.

Our kiss starts slow and sweet, being sure to take in every moment and every movement, but I need more. I wrap my arms around his neck to pull him down closer to me as he opens his mouth slightly, deepening our kiss. My tongue connects with his, pulling a deep groan from Eli’s throat. Our innocent kiss quickly picks up momentum as he wraps his arms around my lower back and presses himself into me. Our bodies could not get any closer, but they mold together perfectly. His tongue dances around mine as I inadvertently release a low moan, but it just feels so good. He feels so good.

Eli takes my noises as a cue to go further, but I’m not complaining. He lowers his hands under my butt and lifts my legs, wrapping them around his waist. I tighten my arms around his neck, causing our bodies to be pressed together so firmly that I swear I can feel every one of his muscles through his shirt. He carries me to the side of the house with ease and presses my back against the wall, being careful not to separate his lips from mine. His mouth feels feverish in its movements, wanting more as I run my hands from his neck up to his hair.

Forgetting Eli was wearing a baseball cap, I knock the brim slightly, causing it to fall over his eyes. He breaks our kiss for a moment, unable to contain his laughter. He releases a hand from the underside of my thigh, while pressing me harder into the wall to keep me up and attached to him. Not wanting to be bothered by his hat, he takes it off and tosses it to the ground.

Eli looks back to me while our kiss is paused, searching my face, and out of breath. His expression goes from playful to serious as he looks at me thoughtfully. There’s not much light in the alley, but enough that I can look down at his swollen lips, begging them to reattach themselves to mine. Before he reconnects our mouths, he whispers a soft, almost inaudible “Come here,” and it’s the hottest thing my ears have ever heard. My eyes flutter closed from the pressure of his mouth on mine again, his tongue expertly moves with mine, and his lips stay soft but firm enough to set the pace.

I can tell he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Then, as I feel my body begging for more, I’m reminded that he, in fact, does know exactly what he’s doing. He does this all the time, he is notoriously known for getting around, and I refuse to be just another one of his many conquests. I can’t be. I can’t give him what he wants. I don’t know how to be somebody’s casual hookup, but I do know that’s all he’s looking for.

Recalling how he behaved with another girl just moments ago, I pull my face away from his. He leans in to continue, but I tell him to stop, admittedly without much conviction behind my words. He ignores me by attaching his lips to my neck, working them over the sensitive spot below my ear. It feels incredible, the moan that I accidentally release confirms it, but I can’t do this. This is a bad idea, and I know it.

“Eli, stop,” I repeat, this time much more assertively.

“What’s wrong?” His voice is soft as he pulls his face away to look at mine, searching for an answer to his question.

“This is a bad idea.”

“What?” he asks, his expression showing both confusion and concern.

He gently sets me back on my feet and moves his body away from mine, but only by a few inches.

“Is this because of Marc? I’ll explain it to him. I don’t think he’ll care.” Which only reminds me that kissing my best friend’s brother is another reason to add to my list of why this can’t happen.

“This was a mistake. I’m sorry.” I cover my face with my hands to avoid looking at his disappointed face. “I can’t...we can’t. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” I continue without saying the actual words that I’m trying to convey.

Removing my hands from my face, I look at Eli. He starts to back away from me as his expression begins to shift from confused and sad to angry and hurt. I want to explain to him as gently as I can that I can’t give him what he’s looking for, but before I’m able to form the words, he retaliates.

“Why are you even here?” he spits.

“What?” I look at him, confused.

“Why the fuck are you even here, Logan? You don’t belong here.” His brows are furrowed with disgust. “Alyssa was right. You should go home.” He pulls his gaze away, unable to look me in the eyes. His words are sharp and said in a way that is meant to hurt me.

I swallow hard, trying not to cry. I can’t remember the last time I cried, but the last few minutes have been so overwhelming that I’m on the verge. But I refuse to shed a tear over this asshole as he shoots venom at me with his words. Eli doesn’t deserve to see me affected by him. Instead, I shake my head at him in disappointment as he reveals his true colors to me and turn on my heel to head back into the house.

As I rush inside, I can hear him just a few steps behind me. Ali is the first face I see as soon as I walk through the door, and she looks from me to Eli with worry plastered on her face.

“What’s going on?” she asks me, clearly concerned.

“Nothing. I’m going home. Tell Marc I left.” I try to keep my face neutral as not to worry her with my current state of emotions.

“I’ll go with you,” she insists.

“Ali, stay. Please. I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

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