Page 191 of Becoming Selfish

“I know, but I’m good,” I tell her with a not-so-convincing nod as she eyes me suspiciously.

L: Hi. I can’t answer. I’m at the doctor’s right now. I’ll call you later. I text Eli after declining his video call on Wednesday afternoon. I know he needs to get on the ice soon, but I can’t answer while I’m sitting in this busy waiting room.

E: Why are you at the doctor? What’s wrong??

L: Nothing is wrong—normal check-up. I’m supposed to get my kidney tested quarterly. This is just routine.

E: Promise me nothing is wrong

L: I promise. Just a check-up. Good luck tonight. Remember how great you are. I love you so much.

E: I love you too, Logan. Please text me after your appointment and tell me everything is okay. Marc and Ali said they’re worried about you. They said you seem off. Is that why you’re at the doctor? What’s going on?

L: Nothing is going on. I’ve just been studying like crazy, so I haven’t seen them much this week. I’m good, though! Go kick some ass, thirteen.

Locking my phone, I throw it in my bag and go back to flipping through the pages of an old magazine while I wait for my appointment.

“Logan Leo,” a nice-looking nurse calls out to the waiting room, holding a clipboard that no doubt contains my medical history.

“That’s me.” I stand from my seat and walk over to her. She holds the door open for me as I follow her down the long sterile hallway until she ushers me into an empty room.

“Alright. Take a seat. Just going to do a quick blood pressure check before the doctor comes in.”

She puts the cuff over my bicep which inflates until the very average blood pressure numbers flash on the machine.

“Looks great,” she says while she removes the cuff. “Dr. Lopez will be with you shortly.” She gives me a sweet smile before exiting the room, closing the door behind her as she goes.

I look around the sanitized room, taking in my surroundings. I haven’t been to a doctor’s office since this summer when I had my last check-up back in California. I typically wouldn’t book an appointment during finals week, and I almost canceled mine today because I’ve just felt so overwhelmed lately. But they were booked out another two months, and I’ve already been irresponsible by missing my last kidney check-up.

“You must be Logan.” An older looking gentleman walks into the room. His white coat covers up most of his frame, but there is a bit of blue from his collared shirt that brings out the blue of his kind eyes. I typically don’t love going to male doctors, but I didn’t have much of a say when booking an appointment so last minute, and this older man seems nice enough.

“I’m Dr. Lopez, but you can call me Robert.”

“Nice to meet you,” I shyly say.

“What brings you in today?” He takes a seat on the rolling stool across from me.

“Well, I moved here at the end of the summer, and I haven’t seen a doctor yet. I’m supposed to do quarterly check-ups on my kidney, but I’m a little behind on this one.” My cheeks warm, slightly embarrassed for waiting so long to come in.

“I see that.” He flips through the pages of my medical records on the clipboard in his lap. “You have quite the family medical history,” he adds, reading over the notes. “Your father passed from a heart attack and your mother from kidney failure.”

Yes. Thank you for the reminder. As if that’s not all I’ve been able to think about this week.

“Your blood pressure numbers look great, though, and you seem to live a healthy lifestyle.” His eyes continue to scan the pages on the clipboard. “Well, we’ll get a urine test for your kidney check, but Logan, I’m sure you’re perfectly healthy.” He looks up at me with a kind smile, obviously noting the expression on my face.

Setting the clipboard down, he turns to me. “That’s quite an impressive thing for someone your age to do. Donate your kidney to your mother like that.”

I give him a casual shrug. “It didn’t work.”

“Still, a very brave thing to do,” he adds with another half-smile, trying to read me. “You’ve been through a lot. Did you have someone at home helping you out?”

“No, it’s just me.”

“This is a lot for you to have taken on all by yourself. Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor? Someone you could talk to? I can arrange a referral if you’d like?”

“No, I’m fine. I don’t want to talk to anyone,” I quickly snap.

He pauses for a moment before he nods his head. “Okay. Well, if you ever change your mind, you let me know. Open offer.”

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