Page 111 of I Love My Mistake

Chapter Fifty-One

Damn Girl, You Are Persistent.

Isigh and wipe fresh wetness from my cheeks. I don’t know what to say to Jess, and this run-in with Momma’s ghost – or whatever the hell just happened – has my mind all twisted. I say through the door, “Jess, I said I need some time.”

“Let me in or I’ll call Amber and she’ll huff and she’ll puff and she’ll blow your door down! Seriously. You don’t want to make that elf mad.”

A smile tugs at my mouth. I unlock and open the door. “Am I pig in this scenario?”

“No.” Jess shakes her head. “I’m the pig.”

We stand silently looking at each other. I move to hold open the door wider. She walks in, straight to the table, and points to a wine bottle sitting amidst glowing candles. “May I?”

I nod and close the door, pushing my fingers into the pockets of my paint-spattered jeans. “What do you want to say, Jess?”

She picks up one of the five empty, used wine glasses. I really need a maid. “I have a lot to say, and this will make it easier.” She pours and takes a sip, closing her eyes. “Mmm. Magic potion, help me say this right.”

I lean my back against a wall, looking at her. She’s in a good mood, and it’s good to see her, like it’s always good to see her. She’s certainly in a lighter space since I saw her at Ella; her jokes fell flat that night. Tonight there’s air behind them and the normal ease is back. It feels good. “Pour some magic for me while you’re at it.” And a glass for my momma, I think to myself, trying to lighten up as well.

“Sure.” She looks at the four dirty glasses left. “Which is yours? Well, they’re all yours. But which one are you using tonight?”

“The one you just drank from.”

She freezes. “Oh.”

“Now we’re even,” I say dryly, referring to Mark.

She winces and instantly I feel bad. I can be a real bitch sometimes. It doesn’t occur to me that sometimes the words that roll so easily off my sharp tongue, sting. She came to make peace. I don’t have to be a bitch about it. I look down at the floor, ashamed of myself. “Sorry.”

She faces me, thoughtful. She’s quiet for so long that I pick up my head and look at her, my chin titled a little. “Yeah… me too. I’m really sorry.” The jokes are gone and there’s sadness staring back at me.

My already weakened heart crumbles even more. I didn’t expect to have this strong a feeling when I saw her again. I love her. What if I lose her? What am I going to do if she can’t handle my being with Mark? It’s so hard to really say the truth to someone you love. I look at the floor again. “This is a fucked up situation neither of us could’ve seen coming. And I’ve been taking it out on you, but…”

Jess holds up her hand and says, “Wait. Please. Can I say something first?”

“No, Jess. I have to go first. I have to.”

“Oh.” Her long eyelashes fall to her hands, both wrapped tightly around the wine glass. She takes a deep breath, scared. “Okay. Go ahead.”

Pulling my fingers out of my pockets, I wrap my arms around my body. “Remember when we were at The Crosby and you said not to worry? That I’d find him? Well, you were right.” I take a deep breath, hold her eyes, and continue. “I found him. And as much as it kills me that you found him first, I still know I found him. Mark is him, Jess.” Jess’s mouth opens to speak. “No! Please. Let me finish. No matter how odd this is or how weirdly it began, it’s not fair of you to keep this from me. But you’re my family. I love you and Amber so much.” Tears well up and my heart feels as though it might disappear. “Please don’t make me choose.”

Jess’s eyes fill up, too. She begins to move toward me, but stops and turns back to put her glass on the table. She turns around, a tear falling down her cheek as she opens her arms really wide. “Come here you big geek.”

I let out a surprised, tiny laugh. Meeting in the middle, we hug each other tight. After a second, she whispers into my ear, “You wanna kiss and make up?”

I bust up laughing harder and lay my head on her shoulder, tears soaking into her jacket as I give her an extra squeeze. I remember what I just said: I’m not mad at you anymore. I forgive you, Momma, and I love you so much. Is that why you came? To help me find forgiveness in time to open the door for my friend I was shutting out?

Aloud, I whisper, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Jess says in a weird voice. She releases me. “Go open your door.”

“What? Did you get me flowers or something?”

She shrugs, smiling like she’s about to explode. “Or something!”

Suspiciously, I step to the door. Turning the knob, I pull it open with a flash. Mark smiles back at me, holding a single purple rose. “Hi.”

My hand flies to my mouth. Jess squeaks with excitement. I look at her and she bites her bottom lip through a happy grin, soooooooo proud of herself. Stunned, I look back to Mark.

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