Page 78 of C*cky Best Friend

“Yeah, but you can still dance. She couldn’t. If Ines gets pregnant, that would be it for the run. They’d have to find another Caroline—is that the new character’s name?” He doesn’t answer, so I continue, “And you said it yourself, she’s very good.”

He’s silent for a long time. I sit here in the darkness with him, listening to his breathing as the distant noise hums. “It doesn’t feel right,” he finally sighs and repeats a tormented, “It just doesn’t feel right, Sam.”

The bedroom door opens and Steven walks out. He is rubbing his eyes but it’s an act. I can tell he’s faking it, has been awake, unsuccessfully trying to listen to this conversation. “Is that Logan?”

“He’s in China and things are getting a little crazy there. You’ve heard the news.”

I don’t know why I just lied and made this seem like a political-unrest phone call. I’m sure my boyfriend would love to hear how the childhood friend I talk to every Monday is having troubles with his girlfriend. Complete inner monologue sarcasm intended.

Negotiating the ego of a guy like Steven isn’t easy, but I’m fine with that. I do it enough with the men in my family. He’s very successful and handsome and knows it. I love his confidence.

I do.

But I haven’t been willing to let go of my friendship with Logan. And I don’t like that he wants me to.

Does anybody like to be controlled? I might not be as rebellious as Lexi, but I’m a Cocker. We might give things up, even control sometimes, but we do so willingly.

Don’t bind this mind.

This life.

This heart.

Steven reaches into the fridge and rummages around, producing nothing as he closes the door again. Logan must’ve heard his voice because he’s gone silent, and his breathing is different.

“You coming back to bed? I missed you in there.” He slides his hand up my leg and I smile.

“I shouldn’t have called you with this,” Logan mutters.

My heart flutters with fear that he’s about to hang up. I reach out to touch Steven’s bare muscles and whisper, “I will be right in. Just give me another moment.”

He’s reticent, but would never press the issue too hard. It might appear to come from weakness and insecurity, two things he can’t admit to having like every other human on the planet.

Lexi often teases me about how I go on and on and on about Steven. I deny it, but she’s right. I adore him, and the feelings are mutual. But I want to be here for Logan.

Kids with Ines. Wow.

The bedroom door clicks and I ask, “Still there?”

“Is he at your place?”

“No. I’m over here. At his place. He wants me to move in.”

Who knows why I said it.

The information vomited out.

It had its own mind.

“Great,” Logan mutters with zero enthusiasm. “Are you going to? That’s a big step.”

“You live with your girlfriend.”

“We do a show five times a week, it’s different.”

“Probably more grueling.”

“Yeah,” he mutters.

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