Page 64 of F*ck You

“I was tired of it. Every day, people saying and doing stupid things, until finally I lost it. I snapped, three people bled out on the sidewalk, and I now here I am.”

“How long have you been in here for?”

She chuckled. “Oh, honey. It’s been ten years with no end in sight. Not that I even care to get out. I’ve been transferred around to other precincts, but when they started running out of space, it was decided I’d spend the rest of my days here.” She coughed, practically hacking up a lung. “I don’t have many left, but at least I get to meet new people every time they bring someone else in. So it’s not too lonely.”

“That’s…that’s nice.”

A small flap in the bottom of our cell doors opened, and a tray was slid through to each of us. “Dinner time, eat up.”

I looked at the slop of unrecognizable food and didn’t budge an inch.

“If you’re not going to eat that, can I?”

“Uh, sure.” Reaching my leg out, I nudged the tray with enough force to send it skidding across the smooth concrete floor to the bars that separated us. The woman flung herself toward it, reaching in and picking handfuls of food and transporting it to her tray. Her wrists and fingers were nothing but bones, she could sure use this more than I could.

Reality hit hard today, and I realized spending the night here really wasn’t a vacation after all. I so badly wanted to get back home and make things right.

A headache pounded against my skull, so I laid back down on the bare bench. Forcing my mind to blank, I closed my eyes and let the darkness take over. It didn’t last long, and I spent the night tossing and turning on the cold metal bench until the sound of someone wrenching the cell door open with extra force startled me awake, and I nearly fell off the bench. My back ached from sleeping on something so hard, and I twisted it to try and get the kinks out.

Footsteps echoed off the concrete floor as Mister Mustache stepped aside. “You’re free to go.”

“What time is it?” My voice was hoarse from a night of fighting sleep and not drinking anything.

“It’s three in the afternoon. You were admitted here yesterday. Your ride is here to pick you up.”

I got up and walked toward him. “You’re already letting me go?” Not that I wasn’t grateful, but I was sure most of the time this didn’t go so smoothly.

“You were vouched for by multiple sources, and since your keys weren’t in the ignition at the time I arrived to respond to the call, there’s no need to string this out further.”

My eyes narrowed in confusion. “What call?”

“We got a call that a girl was attacked on the beach, and when we arrived, we found you.”

“Did you find the girl?” I felt as though I should have been pissed, knowing damn well it was Giana who placed the call, but he shook his head.

“She was on the phone with dispatch, and when I walked up to your vehicle, she said you were the one and then she hung up. We didn’t get any further information from her, otherwise this could have been a longer process.”

Confused with why Giana wouldn’t pursue this further and make my life even more hell, I brushed it off. I had more important things to worry about, and she was only a blip on my radar now.

I spared a glance into the cell next to me when I passed and returned the woman’s wave. She was sitting in her spot on the floor with a smile, perfectly content with her solitude. Only one thing skittered through my mind—I didn’t want to end up like her. In order to prevent that, I would need to get my shit together and work on controlling my anger issues.

It would be a process, and I wouldn’t get it right the first time, but I had to try. There wasn’t any other choice if I wanted to be truly happy.

The cop stopped me as I reached the door of the station. “Be safe out there, and remember to make good choices.”

With a nod, I opened the door, and before I could even register the blinding rays of the sun, I was immediately greeted by Larsen’s warm arms wrapping around me as he pulled me into a hug.

“Are you okay?” he whispered in my hair.

“I’m good. I want to go home.”

Without another word, he took my hand in his and led the way to his car. Neither one of us said anything on the way back, but I didn’t miss all the side glances he gave me, trying to gauge how I was doing. I didn’t want to talk about anything, and he seemed to understand that.

I felt a pang of guilt, but simply put, I had no idea how I was supposed to act right now, and I couldn’t act like myself because at the moment, I didn’t like who that person was.

As I reached the door to my condo, I held out a hand to Larsen’s chest to stop him. “I really just want to be alone right now, I’m sorry. I need to figure some things out.”

My heart squeezed when I saw his face fall, and it made me feel like an ass. “Not that, I don’t mean I never want to see you again. I just mean…some other things. I care about you greatly, but I need a moment to figure out how I can care about myself as well.”

Lifting up onto my tiptoes, I kissed him. “Can you come back tomorrow? I didn’t sleep much at all last night and I’m going to crash as soon as I get upstairs.”

A flash of relief released some of the tension in his shoulders, and he nodded. “Sure thing, I’ll be over first thing in the morning.”

“Thank you.” Squeezing his hands with mine, I went inside, leaving him on the steps as I went straight for my bed. The mattress sank as I lowered onto it and surrounded myself by the soft blankets. I drifted off to sleep with thoughts of Chase, Larsen, and general self-deprecation flying through my mind.

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