Page 47 of Trapped: Until The Darkest Of Night

I feel the kind of relief I felt back in the slums when I found something edible in the garbage. I want to call out to Lou, but then I realize I don’t really know what happened last night. She ran away, I knocked her over, and grabbed her by the neck. I remember that, but after that I’m missing a few moments. I chained her up a short while later.

I watch her carefully, trying to figure out what I’ve done based on her behavior. I know absolutely nothing. There are still a few images of the boy in my head, nothing more…or is there? Wasn’t this time somewhat different than usual? Was it because of Lou?

I walk quietly through the undergrowth to the graveled area, ignoring the biting burning under the handcuffs. I don’t even want to imagine how tattered the skin underneath looks.

Meanwhile, Lou rummages in her pocket and pulls out the key for my handcuffs. Has she noticed I’m back to normal? Was I ever lucid last night? I don’t think so because I pretty much always remember lucid phases during a flashback. And yet I have a memory. Something bright, clear, and vast like a streak of blue sky.

I watch Lou for a while as she tries to put the key in the lock. A smile creeps across my face. A genuine smile because that’s so typical of her: trying in spite of knowing better. Just like her attempt to escape! The last thought erases the smile.

“I told you it only unlocks mine,” I say before she breaks the key.

She barely flinches at the sound of my voice, but that’s nothing new. When she looks up at me, her eyes are wary. “What happens if I give you the key?”

“I unlock our cuffs.” I’m glad she didn’t ask: What happened last night?

“And then?”

I can’t help but smile again. “And then you should shower.”

She looks down her mud-stained blouse to her dirt-caked feet. I notice even her face is covered with muddy brown specks. They look like big freckles, kind of cute.

When her gaze returns to me, something strange is reflected in it. Suddenly, I feel like a predator who is finally chained up where she can examine it safely.

“Are you going to punish me by putting me in the box?” she asks suddenly.

“Heavens no, Lou!” I exclaim, startled.

“But you threatened me with it!”

“I thought maybe locking you in there would be for the best if I… I mean, if that kind of thing happened.” I raise my hands for show, the steel rings chafing my sore skin. Finally, I have an answer for her, even if it’s a lie. I threatened her so she wouldn’t try to escape and I wouldn’t get a flash, but she doesn’t need to know that.

She’s still looking at me. “What are you going to do, then? You’re going to do something, right?”

She already knows me too well. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.” I crouch down to eye level with her, hoping it takes away her fears. I study her for a few seconds, trying to figure out what’s going on inside her, but I can’t. “I don’t remember what happened last night,” I say honestly after a while.

She avoids my gaze, staring at her feet.

Apparently, she doesn’t want to tell me either.

“Flashbacks, they’re called. Reliving an old traumatic experience. Ever heard of them?”

She looks past me. “On TV,” she whispers. “But I changed the channel.”

I don’t know if it would have been better if she had learned more, but from what I know about Lou, based on all her posts, things like that weren’t important in her past life.

“There are different forms of flashbacks,” I say, untangling a strand of hair that’s stuck to my forehead. “Afterward, I never remember what I did. They start by everything turning black and white. Everything grows darker and seems like it’s moving away from me.” Lou is still looking past me. “Eventually, it’s like I’m trapped inside myself, I’m not aware of my surroundings anymore.” I risk a glance at my wrists. It’s worse than I feared. The wounds on the wrist on which I wear the braided leather bracelet with the coin aren’t quite as bad. On the other, the skin hangs in tatters all around, strips I could peel off like a rabbit’s fur. Underneath is raw meat riddled with bits of bark, pebbles, and dirt.

“Must have been a bad one,” I say. “I tried to break free, didn’t I?”

Lou nods, a look of terror in her eyes.

“Once during a flashback, I beat someone unconscious because I thought he was”—a monster—“someone else. That’s why I chained myself up. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Lou’s eyes narrow to slits. “You never want to,” she whispers tightly, “and yet you do. Constantly!” She blinks a few times and I know what she’s trying to hide. Weakness and tears.

I stare at a spot on the ground in front of me. “I’m sorry, Lou.”

“Then why do you do it?” she hisses.

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