Page 46 of The Goddesses' Gifts

“He did as you said?” Oz asked.

“Yes,” I nodded. “It’s the bond I have with him. He understands my concern and relents because he knows it’s for his own good.” I tousled his fluffy white hair. “Which is why he’s not losing his shit about sunrise. He’s still worried but trusts my experience enough to brave it.”

“Oh, that’s … well brilliant,” Oz said as she sat down on her bedroll. “Will it be that way for me and this one?” She rested a hand on her belly.

“I have, no idea,” I shook my head. “I know nothing about half elves.”

“Nor do I,” Lhoris offered. “Not in these matters.”

“Well, my inner elf isn’t very strong,” she said. “I won’t get my hopes up.”

“The bonds between children and their parents are potent,” I admitted. “We invest a lot of ourselves in bringing them into the world. Some people think it’s the massive piece of ourselves in the child that we resonate with, that forms the bond. As the mother, you’re constantly tapped.”

“Is that why I lost the first one?” she asked, her brows pinched.

“Oh, gods no,” Lhoris shifted and took her hand. “It would have called to me if it needed more than you could give.”

I shook my head. “That one just wasn’t meant to be.”

“Ah,” she nodded. “I can live with that.”

I’d never considered that she’d felt badly about losing it. I assumed she’d simply moved on since she hadn’t meant to get pregnant in the first place.

Oshruli climbed out of my lap and nervously paced outside the hollow, as if watching for a ball of fire to fall from above. The sky had shifted from dark blue to a pale yellow.

Oz cleared her throat. “I know you don’t look at me and think I’d want to be a mother, Lobikno, but I do. I always have. I want to be the mother I didn't have. I want my children to have a real family with parents that are there. I want this child,” She placed a hand on her belly. “And that one,” she nodded to Oshruli, “to feel loved and valued … not substitute a cause where they should have people that love them. You and I have that common ground, I think.”

Lhoris gave me a smug look, but kept his mouth shut.

“Yeah, I guess we have some of the same ideas,” I admitted, though I didn’t meet her eyes. They were far too understanding.

“But,” her voice trembled a little, “I also know that the circumstances are hard for you. I’d be willing to …” she paused, “I know the right herbs to end the pregnancy if it’s too painful.”

My heart cracked again. So did hers. I felt it. My hand flew up between us, as if to halt the words mid-air. “Please don’t,” I whispered. “I can’t lose another.” Too many lost. “If it wasn’t meant to be, it would be one thing.”

She pressed her lips together and swallowed. “Oh, good,” she whispered back.

Damn her for being such a good fucking person. It would be so much easier to block her out if I could just hate her.

Oshruli realized the sun was coming up off to the side of the promontory and would occasionally peek out to check on it. He gasped when the first rays broke over the treetops below us. I called him over and put my shadow glass on him, though he had to hold them in place. “Don’t look directly at it, son,” I warned. “It’ll hurt your eyes worse. Though you might get to see a lot of color around it if you’re lucky.”

“Okay,” he nodded and scurried back out to peer around the edge of the promontory.

“He knows not to look right at it?” Oz asked.

“Yes, dear,” I snorted. “You don’t have to mother him constantly. He’s leaning heavily on my bond.”

She made a sour face and rolled her eyes before moving to sit with Lhoris.

I eyed her suspiciously. “Why are you so quiet?”

“I don’t want to upset you further,” she nestled against Lhoris, sitting across the cradle of his crossed legs. “You’re afraid of me and it doesn’t feel good.”

I sighed. There wasn’t anything to say to that. She wasn’t wrong and it couldn’t feel good. “Maybe this connection is a little volatile,” I said while I got to my feet. “I’m usually better at blocking it out. Sorry,” I apologized lamely. “I’ll go take Oshruli for a walk and clear my head.”

CHAPTER 22

OZANNA

---