Page 43 of The Goddesses' Gifts

Oshruli squeaked in shock when the fir twig broke off in Lobikno’s hand. “Does that hurt the tree?”

“Nah,” Lobikno answered. “Oz,” he called. “What kind of tree is this?” He tossed the cluster to her.

She caught it and summoned her little light so she could examine it, then gave Lobikno a half smile. “You know, just because I’m part tree-elf doesn’t’ mean I know all about trees,” she teased gently. “You’re just lucky I happen know this is a silver fir.” She tossed it back. “You can tell by the two white stripes on the underside of the needles.”

Lobikno gave her a thoughtful frown. “Huh. Ok.” Then he set to explain it all to Oshruli.

Lobikno looked more at peace with his attention on the boy. The underlying tension that had always made it seem as though he was one inconvenience away from snapping was gone. His smile seemed less forced. It made me consider how much he’d hurt these years.

I rubbed my chest, where I felt phantom claws and the tender aftermath of what was arguably a conflict between two divine powers. Ah, these goddesses and their gifts. Lobikno’s heart hadn’t been so literal a battle ground, but it had certainly seen it’s fair share of this pain. And he’d been coping with it for nearly a century. I’d only dealt with it for a few weeks.

How did he do it?

Lobikno picked up the pace a little bit, Oshruli giggled and squealed in delight at the burst of speed, and I allowed the gap between us to grow so I could have privacy with Oz.

“Are you well, my love?” I asked when her eyes finally drifted in my direction.

She didn’t answer right away, brows pinched, and lips pursed as though considering her words. It was one of the things I appreciated the most about her. She was honest, but not callously so.

“I’m not okay now,” she admitted with a sigh, “but I will be before long now that I’m with you again.”

I swallowed. She wasn’t okay because I’d been foolish enough to love her. The expression was one cannot love anything in Irnon’s shadow, but I feel Dulanzo was the one that made that so … prevalent.

“Do you have any injuries that need tending?” I asked. “Is the baby alright?”

“Bhekna healed me of the worst injuries. And he said the pregnancy is okay. Zelfek and some of Lobikno’s sons tended to it,” she explained, her brow furrowed again. “I want to tell you everything, Lhoris. But I want to do it in the safety of your arms.”

“I’d like that,” I confessed. “I’d like that more than anything.”

She gave me an oblique glance and cautious smile and uttered two words that crushed my already aching heart. “You would?”

Dulanzo had her for less than a handful of days and he made the most confident female I’d ever encountered doubt herself. She thought I wouldn’t want her anymore. Her shame was almost palpable.

“Yes, more than anything,” I reassured her emphatically. “If you think whatever happened in that compound will change the way I feel about you, you’re wrong.”

“You don’t know what he did,” she whispered.

I gave her a sad smile, because I knew Dulanzo’s methods all too well. “He used your best qualities against you. He manipulated you with Oshruli, correct?” She gave me a little nod. “He made you do things you wouldn’t have otherwise done, and then twisted your love in such a way that it broke your heart.”

Her eyes snapped up to meet mine and she faced me fully. “He did the same thing to you.”

The words stung, but they were true. When I’d first come back to the warband, he’d used my good nature to gain compliance—handing me over to the general as a toy. It was my turn to nod quietly.

“I never mentioned it before, because it seemed so intrusive on my part,” she continued apologetically, “but I have occasionally glimpsed these little moments of fear in your eyes. I never understood what it meant until after meeting Dulanzo.”

My mouth went dry. It seemed her insight was sharper than I’d imagined. There’d be no secrets between us one day, but some were too complicated to revisit while I was so dispirited. Especially while her own wounds were so fresh. She needed me now.

I nodded. “I’ve witnessed him do it time and time again, though he typically has more time to be subtle.”

Her lip trembled. “I’ve never loved anyone before, Lhoris. I … I didn’t know how to not feel this. I’ve never had such loyalty to be abused.” She sniffled and her eyes silvered with tears. “And then to see you on the ground, nearly dead … I’d never felt despair before that moment. I just … I don’t know what I would have done if you stayed that way.” Her chest heaved.

“You’ve never loved another person?” I whispered. “That can’t be true.”

“Well, it is.” She sniffed.

“Not even one of your Order friends? Or one of the women that cared for you as a child?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I mean, I cared about them. I worried. I missed them when they left or passed away. But it was nothing like staring down at your pale face.” She buried her face in her hands and sobbed just like she had been when I regained consciousness. “And I haven’t stopped crying since I woke up on the journey here. I can’t make it stop. Zelfek, of all people, had to tell me that happens sometimes when one is with child.”

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