Page 94 of Shattered

“There are a few texts between him and an unsaved number, talking about meeting up at some club two nights before he died. He mentions obtaining items to party one more time before being rid of that stuff for good.”

I shake my head. Fucking Shane. “There shouldn’t have been one more time.” My voice comes out as a croaky whisper, but she hears it anyway.

“No, there shouldn’t,” she agrees. “But that was his choice. It wasn’t your fault, Neilix, or Sienna’s.”

“He still may not have done that if it weren’t for—”

“Don’t do that. I will not let you blame yourself for his decision.” She reaches for the phone, and I hand it over, watching as she tucks it away again. “Sienna is miserable without you. She needs you. He didn’t want you to be apart,” she repeats her earlier words.

I sniff, sitting up straighter and sliding my glasses back on. “Has she seen the text?”

“I showed her after I found it this morning. She felt the need to go see him at the cemetery. That’s where she is now.”

I nod, lifting my eyes to watch Adi climb on some bouncing thing. When he looks back and sees Kate, he runs over excitedly. “Come swing.” He grabs her hand and pulls, urging her to come with him.

Some sadness melts away from her face as she looks at him. “Okay, honey. Just a second.” He runs to the swings to wait for her, and she gets to her feet, turning to me. “I think you should go talk to her. I’ll watch Adi. We’ll have some fun together.”

I glance back at him, but his focus is on the swing while he waits for Kate. I’m sure he won’t notice if I leave for a little bit. “Okay,” I finally answer, pushing to my feet. But before I can step away, she pulls me in for a fierce hug.

“The first several weeks were a blur, but I wanted to say how sorry I am that you were the one to find him. And thank you for not letting Sienna go through that.” The stinging in my eyes returns as she squeezes me tight for long seconds. Kate’s eyes are filled with moisture when she pulls back, but she shakes it off and turns toward my son with a wide smile. “Do you want to swing, little man?”

I watch momentarily as she lifts Adi into the seat and then starts pushing him, joy on both their faces. I guess it’s time to find the rest of my joy. After blowing out of breath, I turn and head for my car.

The drive to the cemetery is filled with mixed emotions. I keep going over Jason’s text in my head while thinking of different reasons why he did what he did. But I think, at the end of the day, I have to accept that Kate is right. It was his decision.

For the first time in months, I don’t feel as weighed down, and the dark clouds don’t seem as thick anymore. Everything isn’t suddenly better now; it will still take some time to get over the fact that he’s not here and that he never got to tell us those words himself.

It still hurts.

But now, at least the pain isn’t burdened with guilt.

I park beside her car at the cemetery and take a few seconds to compose myself before getting out. I couldn’t bring myself to come here again before now, but I still remember the way to his grave. I make my way through the headstones, the anticipation of seeing Sienna again making my pulse quicken. When I make it to his row and spot her sitting there like a ray of sunshine in front of his headstone, I almost trip over my own feet at the sight of her.

Instead of the dark attire I’ve seen her in the last couple of times, she’s wearing a long yellow dress with her hair flowing down her back. And her face is tilted up toward the sun with her eyes closed.

My sunflower.

I approach quietly on the soft grass, lowering myself to sit beside her.

Only when I reach for her hand and thread my fingers through hers does she open her eyes and swivel her head toward me. Her crystal blue eyes are red-rimmed, like she’s been crying, but noticeably missing is that self-condemnation I had become acquainted with. The thick coat of guilt looks like it’s no longer covering her.

She squeezes my hand in return, her gaze brushing over my face like she hasn’t seen me in years and not weeks. The last time I saw her was the night I found her at that party a month ago. She spent the dark hours in my arms and was gone by sunlight.

We both remain quiet for a while, watching each other, the sounds of birds chirping and the leaves rustling filling the silence. And a feeling of peace settles over me.

I lift her hand to my lips, kissing her knuckles softly. “Take a walk with me?”

The sides of her lips lift, and she blinks away some more tears, though they don’t appear to be from sadness. “Okay.”

I stand, pulling her with me, and then wrap an arm around her as we begin to walk. It may take some time, but I think we will be okay.

EPILOGUE

Neilix -Two Months Later

I place the last burger patty on top of the pile and then clean up the mess I made on the counter. Next, I pull the bags of ice out of the freezer and open the cooler so I can empty the ice into it. I’ve just finished pouring the third bag of ice when the doorbell chimes, causing excited energy to buzz through my veins, making my stomach tighten.

“I’ll get it!” Sienna calls from the living room.

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