Page 93 of Shattered

I rip her top off and lay open-mouthed kisses over each of her breasts, sucking a nipple into my mouth and biting down on it. Her moans and whimpers, along with shaky breaths, fill the dark room, and I drink them in, storing them in a special place for when I’ll no longer hear them.

I pull her pants down, and she kicks them off the rest of the way while reaching for my waistband. With hurried movements, I shove my underwear down, and then I’m between her legs, thrusting into her heat like a hungry man.

We can be different people here in this dark room. I don’t have to see her mournful eyes while I hide my shattered soul.

She claws at the back of my head, eager to connect our lips again. My hips continue pistoning into her while I groan into her mouth, swirling my tongue with hers.

I want to live in this moment, buried inside her, because I know it’s fleeting and will soon be over. As if she feels the same way, her legs wrap around me to keep me inside. I grind down against her, craving the feel of her orgasm. I want to feel her come on my cock. I want her to choke me with her walls and throb against my shaft.

I press harder, thrust harder, kiss harder. Everything harder, like I know it will be after this.

My body is buzzing and burning up, and I can feel her skin slick with sweat. “I love you,” I murmur against her lips.

She whimpers after my words, and I can’t tell if it’s in pleasure or pain—maybe both. My thrusting continues, and I feel her close to the edge, her legs, arms, and pussy all clamped tight around me.

And then she cries out, lost in her euphoric bliss.

It triggers my own orgasm, and I burst inside her while biting down on her shoulder, my groan loud and vibrating against her skin. Endorphins flood my system, and my muscles feel lax for the first time in weeks. It feels like an eternity that we cling to each other afterward. Our breathing finally slows, and our bodies cool to a normal temperature. And that’s when I finally pull out of her and hug her close to me.

I know this doesn’t change anything.

And when I wake in the morning and she’s gone, I’m left feeling more hollow than ever.

...

Neilix: I miss you . . .

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Neilix

I sit on the bench by the playground, elbows leaning on my knees and hands clasped together, watching Adi play. Though my heart isn’t beating fast, it is bashing against my ribcage as I wait for Kate to arrive.

She called me earlier and asked if she could meet with me. I assumed she wanted to see Adi. And even though my insides are still turned inside out with guilt, and the thought of seeing her only twists them further, I couldn’t deny her. How could I? If Adi can give her even a sliver of happiness, then I’m inclined to help.

Since I was already coming to Plainfield to drop him off later, I just left a little earlier to meet her at the playground.

She arrives a few minutes later, and as she walks toward me, I can’t help but notice the toll Jason’s death has taken on her. It looks like she’s aged a decade in the past seven weeks since he died. It tears at my chest, and I force a swallow as she approaches.

“Neil,” she says with a smile as she sits on the bench. “Or Neilix. Which would you prefer?”

I clear my throat. “You can call me Neilix.”

“Okay.”

She doesn’t immediately say anything else. Instead, she stares ahead at Adi, climbing the stairs and then going down the slide. I want to apologize to her, tell her how fucking sorry I am, but the words stay lodged inside, cramming up my throat.

“He wouldn’t have wanted this, you know—all of us being sad.” She gives a watery laugh. “Or maybe he would have. He liked getting attention.” A sad smile touches her lips. “But he wouldn’t have wanted you and Sienna to stay apart like this.”

A shuddered breath is forced from my lungs as they squeeze tight because she’s wrong. He didn’t want us to be together, and he’s no longer here because he wasn’t stable enough to handle it. “Kate, I—”

“I know you’ve both been blaming yourselves for what happened, but you need to stop,” she cuts in, surprising me. Then she reaches into her purse and pulls out a phone, gently caressing the screen like it’s something precious to her. “This is—was—Jason’s phone. I probably shouldn’t have done it, but I went through it. I needed to understand him and know where his mind was at.” Staring down at the phone, she runs a hand over it one more time, then unlocks it. “Anyway, I found this in his messages. An unsent draft to you and Sienna.”

Kate holds out his phone to me, and the reassuring smile on her face urges me to take it. With slight hesitancy and a pounding heart, I accept it, then lower my eyes to read the screen.

Jason: I’m not mad. I mean, at first, I was pissed. You know how I am lol. But then I made myself calm down and think. REALLY think. And I realized what a shithead I was being. I know you’ve been happier lately, Sienna, and that should have been enough for me. Neilix (still fucking weird calling you that), I’d like to think you’re happier than you were as well, and I owe it to you for the way I treated you to be okay with this. I can’t promise I won’t be weird about it at first, but I’ll get over it. I think it goes without saying, though, if you hurt my sis, expect me to beat the shit out of you. And Sienna, don’t hurt my friend. I’m planning on telling this to you guys in person, but if you get this text, it means I chickened out and will see you soon. P.S. I’m pretty sure I get uncle status now.

I pull my glasses off and rub my hand down my face, pressing it over my mouth while blinking rapidly. The backs of my eyes burn, and my chest feels like it’s caved in. Kate’s hand lands on my back and she rubs soothing circles while I try to get a hold of myself.

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