Page 31 of Shattered

Neilix

A moment.

A single moment.

That’s all it takes to change the entire course of your life . . . or someone else’s. It’s not always the moment of action, but sometimes the moment of decision.

The sound of cutlery and dishes clattering in the kitchen reaches me, but I remain lying on my bed, staring up at my bedroom ceiling while listening to “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum.

I’m still coming to terms with the moments, or decisions, that have irrevocably changed my life: the moment Jacob decided to leave Campbell’s house that night, setting the butterfly effect into motion. Every bit of hate thrown our way, every fight, every freakout, every little thing that has happened to the five of us since then has been because of that decision.

Then there was the choice I made to walk back into Jason’s room after finding out about Sienna, instead of walking out their front door and going home, which only added to it.

A knock sounds on my door, pulling me from the thoughts swirling through my head. “Neilix, honey, I made you some breakfast.”

I told my dad what happened while having a breakdown in the car, omitting certain things, including that I had taken a pill and that it had to do with Sienna, and then he relayed it to Mom for me later that night. Both of my parents were surprisingly attentive at first. At least, more than they were. Funny that it took me fucking up my life to finally get a piece of their attention.

They told me I had their support, but unfortunately, since then, they’ve only given me space to think and figure things out on my own.

Finally pushing myself off the bed, I run my fingers through my hair and walk to the door. Mom and Dad have eaten already, both in different states of getting ready for their days. Mom, still in her dressing gown, but with her hair and makeup done for work, pours coffee into a to-go cup for my dad, who is already dressed in his gas station uniform.

“Thanks, hon,” he says before kissing her cheek.

Watching them has a bitterness tangling and twisting in my chest. I’ve had to fight for even a sliver of that type of love and affection.

Turning away, I take the seat where a plate of food sits on the table. They probably cooked too much and are just giving me the rest. “Thanks for the food,” I mumble.

Mom’s gaze reaches me, and it looks as if she knows all the feelings swarming my body, but she doesn’t say anything.

I dig in while making a mental list of what I should get done today. I should look for a job, but getting out of bed was difficult enough. I’m halfway finished with my food when the front door opens and closes. Mom is still in the kitchen, and Dad is gathering his wallet, phone, and keys in the bedroom, so there is only one person it could be. Shit. I’m so not in the mood for this today.

My parents also told her about the baby, and she has made it her mission to ensure everyone in town knows about it, taunting me about it every chance she gets. There’s no doubt that Sienna has heard by now.

Deanna crosses the small living room and steps into the kitchen just as I push to my feet. “Well, if it isn’t the teenage daddy.” Her voice is filled with glee, absolutely loving the mess I’ve made of my life. “Knock anybody else up this week?”

“Deanna,” my father warns, walking out of the bedroom.

She snickers. “What? I was just joking. Geez.”

I start for my bedroom but then turn toward my dad at the last second. There is no way I’m sticking around with her here. “Can I come with you?”

Glancing at his watch, he says, “Yeah, but hurry up. We need to leave.”

***

With my hands buried in my pant pockets, I hesitate on the sidewalk in front of Jason and Sienna’s house. I thought the walk around town would help clear my mind, maybe help to alleviate some of the shit that’s been weighing me down, but it hasn’t. And after an hour of wandering aimlessly, instead of looking for a job, I’ve found myself here. Luckily, I didn’t run into any of Jennifer’s loser friends. They’re probably traveling for the rest of the summer.

Truth be told, I’m not even sure who it is I’ve come to see. I’m hoping that with some time and space, Jason will have calmed down and be ready to hear me out, maybe finally understand that it wasn’t intentional. I gave him some distance, and now he needs to listen. It’s also about damn time that I tell him I won’t be going to college after all. I owe it to him to tell him to his face.

Anxiety plunges my body into a state of chaos, and my palms feel clammy as I lift my hand to knock. I hope he’s willing to at least listen to me. I want our friendship back.

But the second the door swings open, revealing Sienna standing there, fresh-faced in short shorts and an oversized sweater, her blonde hair trailing over one shoulder, all those thoughts go out the window, and I’m no longer thinking about Jason.

The air teases me with the faintest hint of her perfume, and I can’t help but breathe it in.

I’m not supposed to want her. Nothing has changed with our situation.

She’s still too young.

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