Page 32 of Shattered

She’s still Jason’s little sister.

And I still fucked up.

I wish I could go back to that night and make different choices. Hell, if I could go back anywhere, I’d go back to the night that things started to go downhill in the first place and tell Jacob to stay or insist I go with him.

“Jason’s not here,” Sienna says bluntly, gripping the door and pulling it closer to her body like a shield, or maybe she’s letting me know I’m not welcome inside. “He left for college already.”

What? He left? My mind stumbles backward while my body stays in place, and my insides ache like I was kicked in the fucking gut. I can’t believe he would just go without saying goodbye, without feeling any sort of obligation to let me know or try to patch things up—years of being friends, done, just like that.

I’ve been agonizing about our friendship, about not having told him I wasn’t going, but even with everything that has happened, I was still going to talk to him. It was just a matter of when. I hoped we could still figure something out since the city isn’t that far away. I guess not.

Sienna starts closing the door, and the sudden thought of her shutting me out completely sends me into a state of panic, causing my arm to fly out and stop it. “Wait.”

I may not have realized at the time that it was Sienna I was texting and forming a bond with, but I know it now, and it couldn’t be clearer at this moment that I still need her. Our situation is more complicated than ever, but as soon as I saw her, that ache in my chest caused by something missing multiplied. I’ve barely been getting by without her and Jason for the past month and a half, and thinking about not having either of them in my life, especially while becoming a father, fills my entire body with dread.

She pauses, holding the door where it is, her face devoid of all emotion except the downturn of her lips and that missing sparkle that’s usually in her eyes. I hate that I did that to her.

“I’m sorry, Sienna. So fucking sorry.”

“For what, Neilix?” she bites out. “Sorry for fucking someone else? Or for getting her pregnant? Or what about taking drugs when you promised me you wouldn’t?”

My stomach plummets to the ground, the crack in her voice stabbing my chest. I knew it was likely she would have heard about the baby from someone, but the confirmation wrenches my heart.

Somehow, I manage to swallow past the sludge in my throat. “I’m sorry for all of it. I never meant for any of it to happen. I never meant to hurt you. And I don’t know how to make it better.”

A humorless chuckle leaves her lips while tears spring along the rim of her eyes. “You can’t.” She sucks in a shuddering breath. “I know I kept my identity from you, and I’m sorry for that, but I never lied to you. Everything I told you, everything we talked about, it was all true. You acted as if I betrayed you and was untruthful. I never thought you were capable of . . .” Her eyes fall shut.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper again, feeling her pain like it’s a living, breathing thing inside my soul. “Please, forgive me.”

Her watery gaze lifts to mine, and she shakes her head as if trying to clear her mind. “You’re having a baby with another woman.”

“And it fucking terrifies me,” I admit.

She pulls her eyes away from me again, and I will them to return.

“You said I was too young and not what you needed.”

I rub at the back of my neck and look off to the side, the painful words I said in the heat of the moment poisoning the air between us.

“I know. I was scared because of what happened to Jacob and freaked out.” Sienna nods, but the look on her face tells me that my explanation means nothing to her. “I miss talking to you,” I tell her softly. “Just, please tell me you can forgive me one day, and maybe we can be friends again.”

She stares at me, blinking a few times as if considering it. But then she straightens, lifting her chin. “I wish you all the best in life, Neilix, I do. But I don’t ever want to see you again. Don’t come here again.”

“Sien—” The door closes in my face, and as I stare at the white-painted wood with my mouth still open in a desperate plea, my lungs constrict so tightly that it’s hard to breathe. I tug at my hair, trying to suck in more air. Things already felt like they were over, like my world was closing in on me, but she just severed any strings of hope I may have been holding on to.

I reach my hand out to knock again, but then pull away. ‘I don’t ever want to see you again.’

My arms fall limp at my side, and I watch as everything shatters around me.

Now I know I am completely on my own.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Sienna—Four years later

“Okay, don’t make it look so obvious that this is your first time drinking.” Jason passes me the gin and tonic, then takes a swallow of his beer.

“It’s not my first time drinking,” I respond, squeezing the juice from a lime wedge into my drink and then dropping it onto a napkin.

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