Page 27 of Shattered

Sienna: Please answer me . . .

CHAPTER NINE

Neilix

Twisting the lid off the bottle of water beside my head, I push myself onto my elbows and swallow some down before collapsing to the ground again. Usually, I’d be on my phone right now, asking Sienna how she slept and what her plans were for the day, but my phone is still tucked inside my pocket, leaving my hands itching with the need to pull it out.

I know our morning texts won’t happen again, and the thought causes an ache in my chest.

Altogether, I feel like shit, and it’s not just because I’ve been lying on Jason’s floor since we got home from the party sometime in the early morning hours, and I haven’t slept. Nor is it just from the pill and alcohol I consumed last night.

No. The churning of my stomach and the rotten feelings spreading through my insides are the type that accompany heavy regret. The type that has you wanting to crawl inside yourself and hide away from the world.

I don’t even remember the whole night, but I remember enough to know that I wasn’t myself and screwed up in a monumental way. I haven’t felt like myself since Sienna walked through the bathroom door. Hell, I don’t think I’ve been myself since the night Jacob was arrested.

I always prided myself on being someone who tried to do what was right and put others first, but last night, I had felt the effects of everything shattering around me—my life, my family, my friendships, and the trust of the first girl I had ever given my heart to—and it was all too much. There’s always a breaking point, and I reached mine.

Once the effects of the Happy Maker started to wear off, I was paranoid and anxious, demanding Jason find us a way home. After that, I was left with a foggy brain, and regret started pouring in.

Despite the thick cloud, my mind waded through the sludge and started sifting through everything—every conversation, every look, every comment, every single little interaction with Sienna. It was like my heart was finally reconciling the two: the girl I’ve seen every time I’ve been here at Jason’s, and the one behind the text messages. There were clues there, and if I had bothered looking more closely, I would have realized.

There were the small things, like always having my favorite candies on hand or having my favorite cereal here when Jason has stated more than a few times that no one in their family eats it. That was her.

Or times when she would ask me how I was doing and then linger after I gave her a short answer, as if she was expecting me to say more. And that’s because I would have if she were on the other side of my phone.

Or when she wasn’t surprised by Jason’s behavior when he was acting odd. It was because I had already been texting her and told her he was using drugs. She seemed understandably concerned, but not like she didn’t know what was going on.

She was always someone who actually cared about my well-being, but I didn’t pay attention.

I know my reaction, or rather, overreaction, to her wasn’t fair. I know why she wanted to be anonymous; if not for the fact she was Jason’s sister, then it was because of her age. Maybe if I hadn’t pushed her, she’d have kept our relationship that way for another year or so until she was older.

The fact of the matter is that I was falling for her, and when I found out who I was falling for, I freaked out.

My stomach squeezes at the reminder that I’ve ruined things now, and I can’t take back what happened last night.

Last night . . .

I’m going to be sick.

I push up from the ground, having to steady myself when dizziness hits me, and then I rush for the door.

“I thought you might have been awake,” Jason says to my back as I step through the door and hurry to the bathroom. He doesn’t sound like he’s in any sort of distress, but then again, he’s probably built up a tolerance to both alcohol and drugs.

After rushing to the toilet and emptying my stomach, I splash water on my face and brush my teeth with the toothbrush I keep here. Head hanging between my shoulders, I grip the vanity and breathe in deeply. I just want to go home and crawl into bed, forgetting that the past couple of months ever happened. Forgetting last night ever happened.

But things are never as simple as that.

On my way back from the bathroom, Sienna calls out to me from the kitchen, and the sight of her makes my stomach drop.

“Neilix . . . Neil, I, um. You haven’t been answering my texts. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” She comes to stand in front of me, and my chest feels so tight, it’s almost suffocating. I can’t look her in the eye right now, so I drop my gaze to the ground and shift on my feet. “You don’t look so good,” she adds, which doesn’t surprise me, considering whatever is left in my stomach is threatening to come up again.

“Ah, leave him alone. He had a crazy night,” Jason announces with a chuckle as he comes around the corner, surprising us both. Apart from his hair in disarray, he looks no worse for wear.

Obviously, he only caught the last thing she said and not her apology, or he’d be asking what she was apologizing for. Sienna takes a subtle step away from me before Jason notices how close we’re standing while he heads to the fridge to pull out some juice.

“Crazy night?” Sienna asks casually, though I know it’s more than that.

Jason grabs a glass from the cupboard and pours some juice into it before coming to stand beside me. “Yeah, this guy was the life of the party.” I silently beg him not to say anything more and leave it at that, but I should know that life isn’t on my side right now. Turning to me, he continues as if Sienna isn’t there, “Sorry I walked in on you and that chick riding your dick. That wasn’t what I was expecting at all.”

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