Page 26 of Shattered

My safe haven.

Gone.

Shoving off the wall, I step out of the bathroom and frantically swing my gaze around, grateful when I see no one else around, and then head straight for Jason’s room. My head is a jumbled mess full of what-ifs I don’t even want to think about.

Jason’s lying on his bed, still playing the video game we were playing before I left for the bathroom, and I feel nothing but guilt when I look at him.

“About time you got back. I keep dying and re-spawning in your hiding spot.” When I make no move to join him on the bed and return to our game, he turns to me and frowns. “What’s wrong?”

Sienna’s face flashes before my eyes, her young face, and the pulse in my neck thumps faster. What if he can see the dirty secret on my face? What if everyone can?

It takes a while for me to answer, the wheels in my head spinning around until I come to a decision I’m sure I’ll probably regret. Then, I school my features. “Your cousin’s party is tonight, right?”

He perks up a little. “Yeah. Why?”

My gaze shifts around the room, landing on the photo of the five of us. “Let’s go to it.” Returning my gaze to him, I add, “And bring those pills.”

***

Everything is so vibrant—the colors, the lights, the people—but at the same time, there’s a nice blur smoothing over the edges of everything. The word blur has me chuckling and dropping onto the couch with a heavy exhale. I’ve been dancing for the past hour, losing myself to the swirling sounds. The music is loud and feels like it’s swimming through my limbs, pumping them full of energy.

A second later, the girl I’ve been dancing with drops onto my lap, and my hands come up to hold her as she sprawls across me. “I need some water,” she announces breathlessly.

The person on the couch beside me hands her a bottle of water and she eagerly takes it, drinking some down before handing it to me. I finish it off and then drop it to the ground.

“I’m Navi, by the way, and I love your Clark Kent look.”

I chuckle again, petting her dark hair. The color is completely different from Sienna’s.

“How old are you?” I feel like I asked it quietly, but she covers her ear and giggles like I yelled it at her. Maybe I did.

“I’m twenty-one. What about you?”

I move my hand to her arm, watching as it slides up and down in slow motion. I can’t seem to stop touching her. “Nineteen. You’re older.”

Older is good. Older is safe.

“And your name?”

Moving my hand up to her jaw, I trace my fingers over her brown skin, finding the contrast of our skin colors to be trippy. White and brown. Brown and white.

Sienna’s skin is creamy and sun-kissed. I’d like to touch her skin, too. But I can’t.

“Neilix,” I answer what feels like an hour later. “It’s a Star Trek name. Did you know they live in space?”

She laughs again. “I didn’t. But that’s cool if that’s what they want to do.”

“Could you imagine living there?” I ask, rubbing her arm again.

Navi shakes her head, her eyes so bright and wide and dark, not like Sienna’s. “Not really.” After getting to her feet, she holds her hand out to me. “Come on. Let’s find somewhere quiet.”

...

Sienna: Can we talk about this?

Sienna: Neilix, come on.

Sienna: I’m sorry.

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