Page 23 of It Must Be Love

I sighed inwardly. There would be no letting her down gently. She'd fight tooth and nail with me. There would be a scene. It would be a shitshow. Or what the hell! Maybe we could get engaged and then break it off.

Christ! Why was everything so murky and why the hell was Ann pushing so hard when she knew I hated being pressured.

"You do, do you?" I gave her a false smile and kissed her nose.

"And I want to move in with you," she continued, now bolder because I had seemed to agree for us to get engaged. I had not.

"One thing at a time, darling," I murmured.

I knew why I was reluctant to have her move in with me. The one time we had lived together had not been fun for me. She wanted a picture-perfect house, and I wanted to live in my home. But we were older now, smarter, better…maybe we could make it work.

I wondered what Naya's little apartment looked like. I'd bet my left nut that it was cozy and comfortable. She probably liked to get home and sit on her couch, a cozy blanket covering her legs as she drank hot chocolate and watched television or read a book. She seemed like the hot chocolate type; or maybe she liked Irish coffee.

Ann and I never spent an evening doing nothing. We were either working, socializing, or on the move. Is that how I wanted the rest of my life to be? That was how my parent’s marriage worked. It was how I had seen so many of my relatives and friends who were married function. It was all about career, networking…showing people how well you were doing. Then you had kids, and it was all about showing your kids off because they were successful and making a shit ton of money. It was a vicious cycle where how you were perceived was more important than how you actually lived your life.

Chapter 9

Naya

Apart of me was annoyed that Amias thought I needed him to send me food for Thanksgiving.

I spent the day at the Woods-Mullen Shelter, an emergency women's-only shelter where I volunteered when I was able.

His note had sounded almost patronizing: I'm sorry you're alone, I hope this makes up for it.

Did he really think a meal could make up for me having no family or friends to spend the holidays with? Sure, because I was a charity case. For what it was worth, I hadn't been alone. I had people around me who were grateful I was there. For me, it was a pleasure to help and care for others. It made me feel less lonely and useful. I had zero complaints. I would've loved to spend the holidays with my nephew, but I wasn't unhappy about not having to deal with Kara and Nolan. After trying hard for many years to have a genuine relationship with them, I'd given up. As long as they allowed me access to Magnus, which they did when they needed a babysitter, I was happy.

But my stupid heart was also touched that Amias had done anything at all when my own brother hadn't even called or texted, or even sent me a picture of Magnus, which I would've loved to receive. It was my little angel's second Thanksgiving. For the first, Nolan and Kara had brought him over for a short time to see my father. My father wasn't able to eat much by then, but I'd tried, putting a traditional meal together, which I'd eaten alone as my father went in and out of sleep. He passed away two weeks later. It hadn’t been a shitty Christmas. I spent that with Darren and his friends. It had been a balm to my broken heart, even fun. This year as well, I was invited to his place for Christmas. His friends were mostly sports people and their partners. They were all wealthy like Darren, but they didn't judge me the way Nolan and his friends did.

The Monday after Thanksgiving, I came to work early when I knew there wouldn't be anyone around yet. Since he'd fed me, I wanted to make my thanks personal.

I made Christmas cookies and wrapped them in crinkly cellophane, tying it all together with a red bow. I left them on his desk in his office along with a thank-you card, which simply said: Thank you for the Thanksgiving Dinner. It was very thoughtful of you, and I appreciate it very much. Happy Holidays, Naya.

A part of me wanted to let him know that I hadn't been alone for Thanksgiving. But that was pride. He tried to do something nice for me and I didn't want to assume his motives as being less than generous. I doubted he wanted to make me feel bad about my circumstances.

Naively, I had expected some kind of response from Amias about the cookies but as the day passed, I figured that my saying thank you was the end of that conversation. It was nearly six in the evening when I managed to get done with all the work that had piled up during the long weekend when my phone rang. It was one of the recruiters I'd been talking to.

I took the call and went into one of the small meeting rooms and shut the door.

"Hey, Naya, I have some very good news."

"Tell me," I asked excitedly.

When I came out of the meeting room, I had a smile a mile wide. I was being considered for a director role at a top tech company, one I wanted to work for. A director role! I had three interviews scheduled with various members of the team next Monday. I was going to take the day off, I decided, and spend the weekend preparing for the interview. I wanted to get this job.

"Naya." I was so in my thoughts that I didn't notice Amias standing by my cubicle.

"Hi," I whispered and then dropped my eyes to the floor as I walked to my desk.

You have no reason to feel guilty! He doesn't want you around anyway.

I hated that he had told Ann and Kara I made him uncomfortable. I was sure he would do the happy dance when I resigned.

"Thanks for the cookies."

"Thank you for the dinner."

I stood by my desk, not sure what to do next. I was about to leave for home, but you couldn't do that when your CEO was standing in front of you.

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