It’s Luc, lines on one of his cheeks, sleepy face, hair sticking up, and narrowed eyes staring apologetically down at me.
Why God? Why does he have to be so goddamn hot?
He can probably see flames in my eyes as I stare back at him. I don’t say a word, and I consider closing the door in his face but I need to get this over with. I can’t go the rest of the day without having some kind of explanation. I leave the door open, and go to charge my phone. He lets himself in.
I’m in my room placing my phone on the charger on the nightstand, and he has followed me. I glare at him from across the room, and even though I have so much to say and ask, I can’t find the words. I’m too mad. Fuming.
‘Olivia, talk to me.’ He swallows hard. His face is covered in guilt and sprinkled with remorse.
I walk towards the kitchen, but he’s blocking the door. He folds his arms over his chest and blocks the way even more, giving me no option but to stop in front of him.
I sigh in frustration.
‘Why?’ I ask him calmly. My eyes meet his, my voice finally shows up.
‘I wanted to tell you, but—’
I don’t let him finish.
‘That’s not what I asked.’
He closes his eyes as he inhales deeply and opens them as he exhales sharply.
‘I don’t know,’ he says, to my disappointment.
‘You don’t know?’
I press against him, making him move out of the way so I can pass. His touch sends me to hell and back.
‘You didn’t recognise me, and it’s not like I brag about who I am. It felt good to be treated as a normal person, no pressure or expectations or secondary intentions,’ he says to my back.
I close my eyes and try to calm my heart, which is rioting inside my chest.
‘It’s not like you had to brag about yourself, just be honest about who you are when you realised I didn’t know,’ I point out.
I go over the kitchen counter and grab my vitamins, somehow, right at this moment it feels important I don’t forget to take them. It gives me something to do apart from looking at Luc as he tries to explain himself.
‘Olivia.’
‘What?’
He’s still talking to my back.
‘Will you look at me?’
I hesitate. I’m burning with fury. I swallow the vitamins with one big gulp of water and turn to face him. I catch him checking me out in my pyjamas. He could have pretended otherwise, but he didn’t. His stare almost puts me off balance. Almost.
When his eyes stop to meet mine, he says, ‘I am very sorry you found out this way. I really don’t know why I let it go this far. It wasn’t meant to be like this,’ his eyes are begging. ‘But I felt like myself, being with you not knowing what I do for a living,’ he says, and I don’t know how to deal with this truth.
‘You mean, I don’t know who you are,’ I say.
‘No, that’s not what I’m trying to say.’ He runs a hand through the waves of his messy hair. I haven’t seen him nervous until now.
Silence. Way too much silence hanging heavy in the air.
‘After one week you know more about me than many people I’ve seen every day for years,’ he says.
‘Don’t. Don’t try to make it better like this, it’s not gonna work.’