Page 19 of Heart Match

‘Keep lying to yourself …’ sings Lexi, she’s even dancing to it.

‘1,2,3 … I’m out,’ I say, ending the video chat session on my side, though I’m pretty sure Naomi and Lexi kept on talking without me.

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I spend the rest of the day focused on work. I find the courage to look at the designs I made and begin to rethink them, one by one. I end up deciding to put them in a drawer and start from scratch. They are too good to be changed, I’d rather work on entirely different pieces. Caleb is going to have a heart attack when I tell him we’ll start from zero. He’ll recover, I’m sure. Though I’m not sure he has recovered from Monday’s fiasco. The disappointment and desperation written all over his face when I silently tried to tell him to shut up and not continue the presentation was heart breaking. He’s so hardworking. The only problem is he gets too attached to projects and ideas, which makes him suffer when he needs to let go.

I make some green tea, put some music on, open the big window, spread paper and pencils on the large table and begin sketching. Though many designers don’t do paper sketches anymore, I can’t stop doing them. It gives much more control than a computer program.

I decide to give Haley what she wants, even if it’s for the last time. She wants boring? I’ll give her boring, my best version of it. Worst thing is, she’s going love it, and I won’t be proud or happy with the final result. It drives me crazy.

I first started working for Secretive as an intern in the last year of my Fashion Contour course at LCF. I always had this crush on lingerie, it always made me feel good about myself. I began wearing them even before I had sex for the first time. To me, lingerie isn’t only about sex, it’s about feeling powerful and sexy. I pick my lingerie based on my mood or occasion. Some days I feel like wearing rose silk lingerie, other days I want the full black lacy embroidered set with suspenders and all their glory. What matters is, I’m never wearing plain and boring.

Sometimes, someone else gets to see me wearing them, but most of the time only my mirror does. I wear them anyways, for myself. The simple fact that I know how sexy they make me look is already enough for me.

I stop working at about 6:00 pm because I begin to feel hungry. I realise I skipped lunch. The whole day went by so fast I didn’t even think of Luc, which is great. Every time my mind revisits our talk from last night and how cute he looked sleeping beside me, I shove it back in an imaginary box. It’s the best thing I can do for myself.

Chapter Six

It’s Thursday. I don’t see him when I go for a run. I don’t see him at Fresh Me Up when I get my daily green smoothie. I also don’t see him in the lift. I’m glad, but I’m not.

Today is office day, so I leave after breakfast and there’s still no sign of him. Why do I want to see him again? I thought I was happy, managing not to think about him most of the day yesterday.

It’s the first day back at the office after Monday’s fiasco. I’m hoping Haley won’t ask for a private meeting to remind me how I should do my work. I’m not in the mood.

I have meetings with other designers to discuss trends and materials and budget. I also meet with my team to discuss the changes we need to make so the collection gets approved. ASAP.

‘Are you planning on killing me, Olivia?’ says Caleb, with a hand on his heart.

I knew he would freak out. His bugged out cartoonish eyes behind his rose gold framed glasses only confirms his desperation.

‘Sorry, Caleb. It is what it is. I can’t even look at those designs anymore, they are too good to be fixed. We’ll recreate them. We can do it,’ I reassure him.

‘In less than two weeks? No, we can’t,’ he’s throwing me a painful smile, crunching his face, showing all his very white teeth, matching the pearls on his ears.

Caleb Kingston is a workaholic, and we’ve been working together since I was promoted after my internship, almost three years ago. He’s the kind of professional that makes things happen and is not at all familiar with procrastination. He gets my designs, we share the same vision and we complement each other’s ideas. But what I love the most about him is that he always, always gives his all. He puts his heart into everything he does, and this means he’s capable of making almost everything possible.

‘Caleb, I’m going to pretend you just didn’t say we can’t, because I pretty much know you’re the queen of making the impossible possible’—hence my nickname for him, Queen—‘so cut the drama and let’s make it happen. Besides, we’ve done worse than that in a much smaller time frame,’ I remind him.

‘Cruel,’ he says, and darts his narrowed eyes at me. I know he didn’t take it personally, we are used to being this honest and straight up with each other.

‘Steph, send me some ideas by Monday. Taylor, set up a meeting with the suppliers and start quoting. As for delivery, beg if needed. Everyone else, you already know what to do. Let’s meet again on Monday and check the progress,’ I say.

Once everyone leaves, it’s only me and Caleb in the meeting room.

‘You like it complicated don’t you?’ he says, standing up to follow me as I walk toward the glass door.

‘And you like the challenge,’ I wink at him.

He tips his head back and laughs without a care in the world.

‘That’s why we’re the perfect team,’ he says.

Later in the day I attend a photoshoot of the collection that soon will be released, explaining to the models how to wear some of the pieces. I also fix any tiny detail that needs attention so everything looks impeccable in the photos. I get the rejected pieces of the collection back and immediately text the girls to inform them.

Today at 4:30 pm

Me: Saturday, my place.

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