Page 18 of Heart Match

We all laugh in unison; they know me too well.

‘It was with Nate, last Christmas,’ I laugh.

‘Shut up, he doesn’t count,’ says Naomi.

She’s right, he’s my brother.

‘Nothing happened, and to be honest nothing will,’ I say it, already knowing there will be protests.

‘Why not? Has he left already?’ asks Lexi, interested.

‘No. Though he will soon. It’s just, you know, he’s too much. I can’t have casual sex with him. He’s brought me flowers for Christ’s sake,’ I say.

‘He what?’ Lexi stops mid-way from applying her red lipstick.

I ignore her question.

‘Here you go again with the “he’s too much” thing, which only proves our theory of you ditching the good ones. Why do you sabotage yourself so much?’ says Naomi.

‘Naomi, it’s not self-sabotage, I just … I just know when I shouldn’t get involved.’

Or better, I know when I’m in risk of getting hurt. Why give it a chance if I already know where this is going?

‘And how do you know that?’ asks Lexi.

‘When the guy makes me feel out of control.’

‘Oh for fuck’s sake, you can’t control everything,’ says Naomi.

‘How does he make you feel out of control by bringing you flowers?’ asks Lexi.

‘It’s not about the flowers. It’s more than that. I don’t know, Lexi. I can’t explain it. I just … whatever. I don’t want to talk about it.’

I start to think it was a bad idea to tell them everything that happened last night in detail.

‘Then why did you call?’ asks Naomi, annoyed.

‘I don’t know,’ I’m asking myself the same question.

‘You like him,’ says Lexi.

‘What do you mean by like him? Like I have actual feelings for him or like as if I’d like him to fuck me?’ I ask.

‘When did you become such a heartless bitch?’ says Lexi again.

Right now Naomi is just listening as she drinks a glass of orange juice and keeps rolling her eyes up at our conversation.

‘I’m not a heartless bitch. On the contrary, because I still need my heart I don’t want to break it again.’

Silence. That was probably too deep, wasn’t it?

‘You like him,’ now it’s Naomi’s turn.

I roll my eyes and sigh.

‘If you didn’t you wouldn’t be making such a big deal about it,’ says Lexi.

‘I don’t. I’m not, you are making a big deal out of it. And it’s not like that. I simply wanted to share the info with you,’ I say, and I know I sound defensive by the way it all comes out.

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