Page 45 of Twenty-Three Years of Longing

“I see why you hated it. It was horrible,” I said.

“Don’t look at me. I didn’t make them,” he teased.

I wrinkled my nose at him and said, “I know. I did. And normally, this is my go-to breakfast. I don’t get it. Maybe it was the peanut butter. Or maybe the banana wasn’t ripe enough? I’m not sure. It’s so darn simple. How could I mess it up?”

He walked over and pulled me into his arms. “It’s okay, honey. You’re still perfect even if you can’t make breakfast.” he joked.

I gave him a playful slap and looked up at him. “Maybe I should try something different tomorrow?”

“How about I cook for you?” he asked.

“Cooking means that you’ll need to pick me up even earlier than you did this morning,” I reminded him.

“Or maybe we just spend the night together. That eliminates travel time,” he said, his voice getting deeper, and his eyes not leaving mine.

Did he just suggest that we...sleep together?

My heart pounded. I wanted to say yes. He had me hot and bothered but also scared. It’d been so long since I’d had sex. Actually, not since I was married. Kind of embarrassing. I wasn’t shy, but definitely out of practice. My delay in responding must have come off as a no because Orion pulled back a little.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I grabbed hold of his arm before he got too far from me. “Orion, I’m glad you suggested it. I...I want to say yes, but...I...I’m...”

“Not ready,” he finished.

“That’s not totally correct. I mean, I am, but I’m not. Maybe we can go and sit down and talk about it,” I suggested.

He nodded, took my hand, and led me into the living room so we could sit on the couch. As we held hands, he asked, “What did you want to tell me?”

“You know that I’m not a virgin, so it’s not like this would be my first time, but...it’s been a long time. I mean, I’ve only been with one person, my ex-husband.” And he left me feeling...inadequate.

“We never talked about what happened. How long have you been divorced?” he asked.

“This is kind of embarrassing for me to talk about.”

“Like you said to me, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to,” he replied.

The only person who knew the entire story was Kathy. I met her when I started college. She was a waitress at a diner I visited each day for dinner. We became friends and have stayed that way since.

“It’s okay. I want to tell you. It’s just that I don’t want you to think any less of me,” I admitted.

“Raya, nothing you say could do that. You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

“I’m glad you think so, but I wasn’t always so...mature. When I first got to the States and started college, I met Joseph, my ex. He showed so much interest in me and I fell for him hard. Or should I say that I fell for his lies hard because that’s what they were. Nothing he ever said to me was the truth.”

“I’m sorry. That must have been difficult for you,” he said softly.

“I found out that I was pregnant, and we married right after that. I thought that I would have a happy life. A child, a husband and I wasn’t in Tabiq. But I was wrong. I married a man who cheated on me with so many people that I can’t even count. And when I had Joey, he wasn’t even at the hospital with me. I had to call my friend Kathy. If it weren’t for her, I’d have been all alone.”

I could see the anger building within him. Orion wasn’t that kind of man, and I knew hearing this wasn’t any easier than saying it.

“He sounds like an asshole. How is his relationship with Joey?” he asked.

“Non-existent. He only saw him a handful of times. Joseph wanted nothing to do with Joey. And he moved out two days after I got home from the hospital with him.”

“Bastard!” his jaw clenched. “You’re better off without someone like that in your life. What can he teach Joey about being a man when he obviously isn’t one himself?”

That was something I thought about all the time. I wanted Joey to have a man in his life, but the wrong one was worse than none. It was up to me to teach him what he needed to know. It wasn’t like I was the only single parent in the States. Heck, women chose that life on purpose there. There were support groups too. It was different in the US. There wasn’t a stigma that women needed a man. All better options than Joseph popping in and out of Joey’s life.

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