Page 82 of The Winning Ticket

“Yeah…”

“Being with me makes you anxious, doesn’t it? Like proper anxiety?”

I feel my stomach clench, and I squeeze his hand. “No. It’s not you, Jake.”

He squeezes my hand back, using his other hand to push my hair back behind my ear and cupping my cheek. “It is, though, Little B. Whether you want it to be or not, dealing with what’s been happening between us has been freaking you out.” I can feel a tear forming in the corner of my eye, and I try to blink it away. Jake smiles a little, and I hate how sad that smile seems. “I think we might have reached the point where we need to step back… This was meant to be fun, right? But it doesn’t seem like you’re having fun anymore.”

“Jake…” I shake my head, and a tear escapes, sliding slowly down my cheek and hitting his hand, which is still holding my face.

“It’s okay, Little B. We said that once either of us needed this to end, that would be it. And our friendship will remain.” He wipes the tear away with his thumb before rising to his feet, leaving me on the floor, staring at my hands.

I don’t want this to end. But I don’t know how to give him more of myself yet. If there’s anything left of me to give him.

“I think I should move back to my parent's place,” I say quietly.

“What? Why?” He crouches back down.

“I think part of my anxiety has come from knowing that when I inevitably broke your heart, I would be right back where I was when I broke up with Richard. I let myself become dependent on another man again. Nothing is stopping you from kicking me out, and I need stability. I need to feel like I control something in my life.”

“Whoa, Bri… No! I would never kick you out!” Jake’s eyes are wide, and he shakes his head. “Regardless of how things are between us, this is your place. If nothing else, you have a signed lease. This is your home.”

“And after the lease ends, I still have no long-term control over how long I can stay here. It’s not that I don’t trust you, Jake. I do. I know that you would be true to your word, but…”

I honestly have no idea what I’m even worried about at this point. I should be begging him not to end this thing between us because as much as my anxiety has kicked in, the idea of not having him scares me more. But everything in my head is a complete mess.

Jake shakes his head, and I can see his frustration growing now. “Bri, I’m going to say this one last time. For as long as you want it, this place is your home. Yes, it’s been nice having somewhere to stay when I come back to Brisbane that isn’t my Mum’s place, but the reason I always checked if you were cool with me coming was because, as far as I’m concerned, this is your home and I was the guest.”

He stands again, and leaves the kitchen. He’s gone for awhile, and I stay where I’m sitting, running through all the things I should say in my head. I should plead with him not to go. Tell him I love him and that I am ready for more. That I know he’s nothing like Richard and he would never hurt me like he did.

But I don’t say any of these things. Instead, I just let this perfect man think I don’t want him, that what we have between us is nothing more than a bit of fun that has now run its course. Deep down, I know he deserves more than what I can offer him.

I’ve been staring at my hands for so long that I don’t notice Jake has reappeared at the end of the bench straight away. He clears his throat, and I look up to see several bags at his feet. I watch as he places his key on the bench.

“I’m going to get out of your hair. Head back to Stanthorpe a little earlier.”

I get to my feet and move closer, willing myself to say anything to keep him from leaving, but my words seem to have disappeared.

He moves closer and takes my face in his hands. “I know your ex did some shady stuff and ruined the idea of happily ever after for you, Bri. But you’re my happily ever after, and I’ll be right there waiting til you figure that out. You’re it for me. And I know I’m it for you. You just gotta be ready to take that chance. Come see me when you’re ready. You know where to find me.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and pull in a shaky breath. I open my eyes again when he gently kisses my forehead before stepping back to pick up the bags at his feet. He gives me another small, sad smile before heading towards the door. He turns back once he opens it and looks back at me.

“Bye, Little B.” He lets the door close behind him.

I feel something inside of me snap, and the tears begin to flow freely now. “Bye, JJ,” I whisper.

What have I done?

36

DESERVES SO MUCH MORE

JAKE

I pull up in front of Chris and Morgan’s place and flex my hands to try and relieve some of the nervous tension I am feeling.

It doesn’t help.

I sigh, and I get out of the ute. I make my way to the front door, knocking harder than I’d intended.

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