Page 81 of The Winning Ticket

Chris visibly deflates when I confess the words out loud that I’ve been thinking for weeks.

“So, this is serious, then?” he asks eventually, all of the anger gone from his voice while he eyes me closely.

“It is to me. She’s not there yet. But I’m in it for the long haul.”

“Mate… So this was just hooking up, but now you’ve gone and fallen in love with her, but she’s still holding back?” I hold his gaze when he shakes his head and sips his beer.

“I know she feels more for me, but she’s not ready to deal with that yet. I’m not pushing her for more. She’ll let me know when she’s ready.” I sound far more confident than I feel.

“Does she know how you feel?”

I shake my head. “I’ve not said anything out loud. But how we are when we are together… It just feels more right than it has with anyone else. That ex of hers really fucked up, and she’s got a lot to deal with. She knows I will support her through anything, and that’s all she needs to know for now.”

He cocks his head to the side. “That’s not really fair to you though. Or her. If you’re in love with her, you will likely get hurt while you wait for her to be on the same page. This is exactly what Morgan was worried would happen.”

“Yeah, about that. Tell Morgan to back the fuck off, mate. I’m fine. I don’t need her protecting me. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I started this with Bri, and I won’t stand for Morgan making Bri feel guilty about this. I love you guys. Morgan has been like a sister to me for most of my life, but I will never forgive her if she gets in Bri’s head and makes her feel guilty about being with me.”

His eyes drop to where my hand is gripping my bicep before he meets my gaze again and nods. “I’ll talk to her. She was pretty angry when I left, especially because Bri was ignoring her messages.”

“I’ll call her then. If she won’t listen to you, she damn well better listen to me.” I stand up, over this conversation and eager to get back Bri.

“Leave Morgan to me. Just… Are we cool? You’re still my best man, right?” he asks, and I clap my hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, we’re fine. Just get Morgan to leave Bri alone, alright? I’ll be back on Thursday. I took Friday off to be here for the rehearsal dinner.”

Chris stands and pulls me into a quick hug. “Okay. See you then.”

I step back and nod before turning and walking away.

35

CLEANING IS SOMETHING YOU CAN CONTROL

BRIANNA

The second Jake walked out the door, I started stress cleaning yet again.

I have everything I would have wanted with Jake when I was in high school and had the biggest crush on him. But the little voice in the back of my head, the little voice that sounds a lot like my sister, keeps telling me that I’m just going to end up hurting him. I’m still so screwed up, and my anxiety has been eating at me all day.

In the last few months, my anxiety has eased to almost nothing, and I knew a lot of that was because of what had been growing with Jake. He made me feel safe and reminded me daily of my worth, something I had forgotten over the last five years.

But today, I feel like I’m about to crawl out of my skin.

I know how strongly Jake feels about me and that he has been a more than willing participant in everything that has happened, but I can’t shake my sister’s voice in my head telling me I’m just going to end up hurting him and that I’m simply using him as a rebound. Throw in the fact that I’m living in his apartment and that my job situation is precarious, and it’s no wonder I needed to reach for the cleaning supplies.

Besides the fear of hurting Jake, I’ve spent the last hour getting all twisted in knots about the job I’d applied for. The complete silence has me convinced that I won’t hear anything and I’ll be stuck at my current job forever. Although the reasonable part of me knows that is a touch dramatic, my anxiety has never responded well to reason.

By the time Jake returns an hour later, I’ve pulled everything from the kitchen cupboards and wiped them all out.

“Um… Everything okay, Little B?” he asks.

I sit back from the cupboard I was halfway in and find him standing at the end of the bench, looking at me with raised eyebrows.

“I guess…” I reply, looking around at all the crockery spread around me and seeing it from his point of view.

He steps around the various piles and stops beside me, taking a seat in the only empty spot on the floor.

Taking my hand in his, he starts running his thumb back and forth across the back of it. “Cleaning is something you can control, right?”

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