Page 115 of Fearless Sinner

I take a huge gulp of the wine and another before I answer. “Yes, the other night at the restaurant. We ran into Jessica, who thought she’d do me the honors of telling my wife I used to plan for the future and talk about kids with Erika. The fucked-up thing is I can’t even be too mad with Jessica, because this is all my fault.”

“What exactly is your fault?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten involved with Chloe.”

“Do you regret it?”

“No. And I’d do it again.”

A small smile tips his lips. “Then it was never the wrong thing to do.”

“Uncle. You wanted me to pick one of the girls we interviewed, or even Jessica.”

“But you didn’t because you didn’t love them. I was upset for a while, until you brought Chloe to dinner that Sunday and introduced her to us. That’s when I figured you out. I realized you didn’t just get some girl off the street to help you with your plans. You truly loved her.”

“Yes. I still do.”

“At first glance, you look like a man who hasn’t been in a serious relationship since the death of his ex because he can’t move on.”

“It’s not that.”

“Oh, I know. That guy isn’t you. That guy is me. But I don’t think of my girl as my ex. She’s still my wife. You don’t love someone for over forty-five years and become exes.” He gives me a sad smile. “What you are is the guy who’s shit scared of losing more people he loves to things he can’t control. Like death”

Typical Seamus to figure me out. He sees all, and nothing gets by him. “Can you blame me?”

“Not a damn bit. When you lost Erika, it crushed you. But your parents deaths broke you. While Olivia was missing and you didn’t know what happened, I saw the way you held on to hope that they were all still alive. But the moment it was confirmed that your parents weren’t, you changed. Part of you died, too.”

I nod slowly. “I’m glad you understand me.”

“I do, but I’m still going to tell you that you can’t allow that type of fear to rule you.”

I drink the rest of the wine and set the glass down. “Uncle, I’m the head of our clan in the Irish mafia. You can’t tell me that danger won’t follow me. I’m a dangerous man, and even if I don’t hurt her, my enemies will. You can’t tell me she’s always going to be safe.”

“No, I can’t tell you that, me lad. Neither can I tell you that we don’t live dangerous lives. But danger can come in any shape or form. Any of us could walk outside tomorrow, and it would be our last for whatever reason. It could be by a bullet or a bus. Wouldn’t you rather love her while life has given you the chance to be with her?”

“I don’t think it’s as simple as that.”

“Yes. It actually is that simple. It’s even simpler for you because being with Chloe was never about gaining your position. You just wanted an excuse to be with her. If you’d gotten married to anyone else, you couldn’t have been with her.”

“Seamus…”

“Please just listen to me. I was thankful every day for your aunt Georgie. There were several times in our marriage when we nearly lost each other, but I would never trade the time I had with her for anything. I was with her because I couldn’t let her go. Even now, I can’t let her go from my heart. So, ask yourself this… can you truly let Chloe go? Even after the time is up and the dust has settled, will you be able to turn your back and walk away?”

I stare at him, feeling like I just got blasted with a dose of the truth.

That question is a no-brainer for a guy who continued to stalk the girl he knew he shouldn’t be with and found a way to marry her.

I can’t walk away.

I dip my head for a moment, and when I look back at Seamus, I sigh. “I can’t do it. I can’t walk away from her.”

“Then there’s your answer, lad. So, don’t make the mistake of letting go of love. Love is a gift men like us receive. Never turn your back on it. Love your wife and protect her like you always have. Allow life to do the rest. I want you to look back in forty-five years' time and think of the good life you had with your Chloe.”

He smiles at me with enthusiasm, and I return it.

“Thank you.”

“I’m your advisor. This is what I’m here for.” He stands and rests a hand on my shoulder.

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