Page 68 of Penalty to the Heart

“I’d rather keep things on the professional level and call it by the name I feel comfortable with, if you don’t mind.”

I smile at her sass.

“No. I haven’t been intimate with anyone.”

“Is that because the occasion didn’t arise?” she asks, writing my previous answer down in her notebook.

I slide my hand in my back pocket and bring up my phone.

“See this?” I ask, scrolling through the names on my contact list. “This phone right here makes it so that the occasion can arise any time I want. I’ve got more hookups waiting for a call back than friends. Does that answer your question?”

“I see. So what you’re telling me is that your sprout of celibacy isn’t for the lack of opportunity but more of a physical nature. Did I grasp that correctly? Can you not perform because you can’t get an—”

“Jesus Christ, Roxie. Do not say what you’re about to!” I shout, pointing a finger at her.

“An erection,” she finishes nonchalantly.

“I can’t believe you fucking said it. I refuse to talk to you about my hard-ons.”

“So that is a yes.” She jots it down, and I swear that I can almost see her smiling as she writes that in her little notebook of secrets. But when she raises her head from her book, her expression is all business. “I’m sure you know that there are plenty of pharmaceutical aids that you can use.”

“Jesus, kill me now,” I grumble while lightly punching my forehead with my closed fist.

“It’s more common than you think,” she continues to explain. “Though not so common for a man your age. Which leaves me to think it all comes down to a mental block. Once you get past it, then the body will perform as it previously did.”

I grab the arms of her chair and lean into her to look deep into her amber eyes.

“Roxanne,” I say, announcing every syllable of her name. “If I want to get hard, then I’ll get hard. There is absolutely nothing wrong in that department.”

“Denial.” She shakes her head at me in disappointment. “I see that we’ve gone back a step. How disappointing.”

“I’m not in denial,” I tell her forcibly, releasing my grip from the armchair and leaning back. “I’m just not in the mood to fuck some faceless woman right now.”

“As opposed to…”

You. I think, shocking myself to my very core.

Woah.

Where the fuck did that come from?

She must see her name written on my face, too, because before I can even open my mouth, she sprints out of her chair, practically running back to her desk.

“I know it’s an embarrassing thing to admit, but I have some brochures that you can take home with you,” she says hurriedly while grabbing them from one of her desk drawers. “Here. Take them home with you. Whenever you are ready to discuss this issue, I’ll be here to walk you through it.”

I grab the brochures from her hand and pick up my jacket as I head towards the door.

“Good talk,” I snide sarcastically.

“Agreed. We are making headway, even if you don’t see the benefits yet.” She offers a shaky smile. “Same time tomorrow?”

“Do I have a choice?” I groan, not daring to look at her beautiful face again.

Instead, I haul ass and get the hell out of there.

Since I’ve already seen Jack today, I decide to take a walk through the city, knowing it will do me some good. Maybe some fresh air on my face will get me to start thinking rationally.

But to my disdain, I’m still thinking about the last goddamn conversation we had, even though an hour has passed since I left her office.

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