Page 67 of Penalty to the Heart

“You’re right. I don’t know. But I can make an accurate guess from everything you’ve told me about your brother. By your own accounts, Erin doesn’t blame you for the accident, so why do you feel Jack will?”

I pull up two fingers and say, “Two words—my mother.”

Her expression saddens me, but I don’t see pity in her eyes.

It’s like she knows that look on her would kill me.

“Is she still not talking to you?”

I shake my head.

“You have to be patient with her. She’ll come around eventually. Remember that everyone processes trauma and grief in their own way.”

“Yeah, I know,” I mumble. “Can we not talk about my mother? I’m not there yet.”

“Fair enough. What do you want to talk about?”

I rummage through my brain to think of a topic that doesn’t involve unpacking my baggage, and when my eyes meet hers, I know just what I want to talk about.

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Aren’t all the questions asked here on the personal front?” she jokes.

“Yeah, well, usually you’re the one holding the mic. I kind of want to have a crack at it.”

“Okay,” she laughs. “What do you want to ask me?”

“Was your husband like that with you? The way Jack is with Erin?”

“I… what…” she stammers, her eyes going wide in alarm.

“It’s a simple question, Roxie. Did you guys use every excuse in the book to fuck like bunnies or not?”

“I know our sessions are on the unorthodox side, but I would really prefer that we not discuss my sex life if you don’t mind,” she says evenly when she finally conquers her mortification.

“Do you even have a sex life? Inquiring minds would like to know.”

“That is none of your business, Caleb,” she mutters, getting up from the floor to sit down on the nearby chair next to the couch.

I follow her cue and stand up, too, but instead of lying on the couch, I sit by its edge and pull her chair by the arms, drawing her closer to me.

“Hey, no need to get so frazzled, Roxie. If it helps, I no longer have one either. Not anymore. I mean, used to. God, did I used to. There wasn’t a night when I didn’t find a girl and take her back to my place. Sometimes, even two at a time. And what’s more fucked up is that I didn’t even have to work that hard, either. They would just drop on my lap. It was like taking candy from a baby.”

“You’ve painted quite the picture. Now, how about you get on with it,” she protests.

“Yeah, right. My bad. Anyway, that was before. Now… it’s like my cock has officially hung up its jersey and retired, no longer interested in the game.”

Her eyes grow so wide that they look like her glasses won’t be able to keep them in their sockets.

“Roxie?”

“Sorry.” She clears her throat before taking the doctor’s approach to the problem. “Have you tried being intimate with anyone after the accident?”

“Intimate?”

“Yes.”

“You can call it fucking, Roxie.” I chuckle.

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