Page 139 of Penalty to the Heart

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

“Roxie,” I murmur as she gets up, putting as much distance as possible from me. “Roxie!” I call out, but she just quickens her pace.

“Goddamn it!” I shout, running after her. “Will you please stop?”

“No. I have nothing else to say to you,” she says, my chest aching when I hear the tears in her voice.

Unable to restrain myself, I grab her hand and spin her around.

The redness in her eyes kills me, and I want to crawl under a rock and die for having caused her an ounce of pain.

I look left and right, searching for a secluded spot to talk, when I see an underpass just a few feet away from where we’re standing. Sparing no second thought, I rush us towards it, happy to find a small space that hides us perfectly from the rest of the world.

Roxanne stares at her feet instead of looking me in the eye, her frail vulnerability doing me in. I tip her chin up, stare at her beautiful face, and say softly, “I’m sorry.” She turns her face to the side, but I bring it back to me with a gentle tug on her chin. “I said I’m sorry.”

“Words mean very little when the damage has already been done.” I take that in and nod.

“You’re right. Sorry doesn’t mean jack shit when I purposely tried to hurt you. The only thing I can do is promise that it won’t happen again.”

“You can’t promise something like that,” she whispers.

“No? Try me.” I tease, trying to lighten the mood but failing.

“And you can’t use humor to make things okay either. You hurt me.”

My throat dries at the intensity in her eyes.

“I know. I’m sor…” but when her eyes widen, I keep my apologies to myself. “You’re right. I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you again because that’s just what people do. Especially to the people they most care about. But I can promise to do better. I can promise to take your feelings into consideration before opening my stupid mouth. I can choose my words more carefully when I’m feeling hurt instead of lashing out.”

“How did I hurt you?” she asks as if sincerely not realizing the torment I’ve been under since she came into my life.

“All I do is hurt,” I tell her in earnest. “I’ve been hurting since you came into my life. I’ve been in a constant state of agony since that night you gave me a taste of you. All I do is hurt for you, love. Please tell me you see it?”

I hold my breath as her eyes fall to my lips and then back to my eyes.

“Do you hurt for me, Roxie? Even just a little bit? Do you?”

She licks her lips, my gaze falling to her heaving chest.

“I…”

“Don’t lie to me, Roxie. I know you feel this… this thing between us, pulling us towards each other. I know you do.”

“We can’t,” she breathes out, her gaze growing heady.

“What can’t we do?” I press, stroking my thumb over her chin. “Can’t I touch you like this?” I ask, running my knuckles over her cheek.

“No,” she whispers.

“What about this?” I ask, pressing my hard body against hers.

“No,” she rasps. “We can’t do that either.”

“So, does that mean I can’t kiss you?” I ask, lowering my face to kiss her neck.

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