Page 56 of Five Mountain Daddies

I watch this, absolutely astonished. James smiles over atme.

“Sorry, London,” he says. “We’ll see youtomorrow.”

I want to tell him to wait. I want to tell him that Ryan’s right, I want to stay, that I love each and every one of them in a way that I would have thought was impossible before, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Instead, I watch them leave the apartment, and I’m alone for the night for the first time since moving inhere.

I hate it. I hate the quiet. I sit down on the couch, legs curled underneath me, another glass of wine in my hand. I’m angry at them for doing that, for guilting me for following mydream.

But most of all, I’m angry that I want to give up my dream forthem.

Moving to New York and taking that internship feels like the culmination of my whole live. I’ve worked hard to get in this position, to be able to leave Leadwood for good and to join the wider world as an actualized, worthwhile individual. Instead, I’m sitting here thinking about how I can justify staying in Leadwood with my five mountain daddies to take care ofme.

It’s insane. I never pictured myself as the kind of girl to let a bunch of older men take care of her. I always thought spoiled, bratty girls did that. I’m normal, nothing special, and yet here I am, thinking about this totally insane thing, and hating myself just a little bit forit.

But even hating myself feels wrong. Because it’s not bad to love. That’s the best thing in the world, to love someone, and even better to love five men that love you back. It’s a special gift, that sort of thing some people never get to taste, and here I am willing to throw itaway.

I’m torn. I’ve been torn. I don’t know how to fix myself, how to make the right decision, but I know I have to make it soon. The summer’s coming to an end, and I can’t make it last any longer than it’s going to. It’s time to make up my mind, or else loseeverything.

20

London

Three more weeks pass like that. I don’t mention that Truth or Dare session again, and none of the guys bring up the fact that I’m leaving. I’m guessing James warned them away from it, based on the way I reacted, and a conversation we had the nextday.

“Just so you know,” he said to me over lunch at the office, “we aren’t going to pressure you tostay.”

“Thanks,” I replied, a littleuncomfortable.

“You know what we have to offer… and that’ll have to speak foritself.”

That’s the last thing he said about that. From then on, things have been nothing butfun.

And when I say fun, I relay mean the height of total freaking decadence. We go to Club Sheets whenever we feel like it, we fuck whenever we feel like it in rotating groups, and we do whatever we want. The guys are so rich that money is never an issue, and because they’re my bosses, work is a breeze. I still have to get stuff done, of course, but if I’m hungover and I don’t come in until ten, nobody says a word. James just shows up with some Advil, and tells me that I need to get through my to-do list by five, or else they’re going to Club Sheets withoutme.

It’s like a comfortable dream. The sex is incredible, the guys are amazing, and the way they all view life is refreshing. It’s like we don’t live in Leadwood anymore, and slowly the whole town disappears from view, until one day I wake up and I totally forget that I’m not in New York or something likethat.

But of course, everything ends. And soon, I have a single week left, and I’m just as torn up and confused as I was three weeksago.

At least the construction stopped yesterday. It mostly didn’t bother me, since I think it was happening whenever I was out of the apartment, which I found strange. But I’d still catch building noises and the sounds of guys working every once in a while, though subdued and quiet. Today, I haven’t heard a single sound, so maybe it’s over, or maybe they’re just taking abreak.

I go to work like always, get through my tasks, and eat lunch with Ryan. He’s in a good mood, better than Iexpected.

“What are you smiling about?” I askhim.

He shrugs a little. “Just happy. Is that sobad?”

Henry comes into the break room just as he’s saying this. “It’s awful,” he says, pulling up a seat at ourtable.

I laugh at the guys. “It’s not bad, just…” I trail off, not finishing that sentence. I’m leaving in a week, and I guess I don’t want them to be happy, which isselfish.

They seem to get the hint, though. “Ah, she means that thing we’ve been forbidden from talking about,” Ryan says, noddingsagely.

“Oh, right.” Henry grins at me. “I mean, I don’t know what he’s talkingabout.”

I roll my eyes at them. “It’s fine. I’m leaving soon. We can talk aboutit.”

“No, we can’t,” Henry says. “You should have seen James. He waslivid.”

“Wanted to rip my balls off,” Ryanadds.

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