Page 28 of Finally

“No, I’m not sure how much longer. Yes, I know it doesn’t look good, but this can’t be helped,” I heard Topher say as I walked out of the bedroom. It was the most I’d heard him say in two days.

Once everyone had left Topher’s house the night of the break-in, we’d quickly packed a few things and headed to the safe house. It wasn’t extravagant by any means, but the small cabin that sat nestled in the middle of the woods had electricity, running water, and best of all, no one knew of its location other than those of us who worked at Hamilton Security. It had been purchased by Micah a year before for situations just like this one, where a client needed to be moved to a safe and secure location.

The strain of knowing someone, and possibly even more than one person, was out to get him, along with the worry over his best friend, had taken its toll on Topher. He’d hardly eaten anything since we’d arrived and I knew he hadn’t been sleeping because I’d lain awake each night, listening through the paper-thin walls to the sounds of his tossing and turning. He’d been moody and withdrawn, barely speaking, unless it was to snap at me. I was trying to be understanding. I knew he was under a lot of stress and that this wasn’t his normal behavior, but I could feel my patience beginning to stretch thin.

Topher was in the living room, but he glanced up at me as I walked into the kitchen before he resumed his pacing, back and forth. I listened to his side of the conversation as I rummaged around in the cabinets, looking for something to make for dinner. From the bare look of the shelves, I knew I was going to have to make a run to the grocery store soon. Charlie’s nails clicked along the kitchen tiles as she walked over to her empty food bowl then over to me and gave me an imploring look.

“Don’t give me that look. You already had your dinner,” I told her. Charlie tilted her head at me then lifted a paw, gently tapping my leg. I sighed. “That’s not fair. You know I’m a sucker for those big brown eyes. Shh! Don’t tell your daddy,” I whispered as I picked up the bag of dog food we’d bought on our way to the cabin and poured a little bit into her bowl.

“Look, Jared, I don’t like this any better than you do. Just try to reschedule everything and I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he said wearily.

Hanging up, he walked over to the counter that divided the kitchen from the living room and sank down onto one of the stools. His lips were pressed into a thin line, the tight clamp he had on them turning them white. I watched as he tossed his phone on top of the counter, shooting it a glare as if the small electronic device was the one responsible for all his problems.

“I take it things didn’t go well with Jared,” I said cautiously, hoping I could get him to talk.

Topher shifted his glare to me. “Well, I guess you are good at figuring things out, aren’t you?” he said snidely.

Irritation flared inside me and I bit back a sharp response. I took a deep breath, trying to remind myself that he was under a lot of pressure. Still, there was only so much I could take, and I was almost to my breaking point. Figuring we both could use a time-out, I walked toward the front door.

“Where are you going?” Topher demanded.

I could feel my blood beginning to boil at his abrasive attitude. “I need some fresh air, so I’m going to take a walk. No one can find you here, so you’ll be perfectly safe, and I won’t be gone long. Maybe by the time I get back, you’ll be ready to speak to me like a civilized adult,” I said in a clipped tone.

I’d just pulled the door open when Topher’s next words rang out, loud and clear. “Oh sure. You do that. You always were good at running away.”

Something inside me snapped and I let the door slam shut, whipping around to face him. If Topher was spoiling for a fight, he was about to get one. “What the hell does that mean? I’ve never run away from anything,” I seethed.

His eyes widened slightly as if he hadn’t expected me to push back, but then they narrowed, and he crossed his arms over his chest, holding his ground. A small part of me was impressed that he wasn’t going to let a Marine intimidate him, but it was quickly drowned out by my growing annoyance.

“You know exactly what it means,” he insisted.

I threw my hands out to my sides. “Well, seeing as how you’re so much better than me, maybe you should spell it out.”

“I have never once acted like I was better than you so you can stop that right now,” Topher shouted, jumping to his feet. “I was always nice to you. I invited you into my home and into my life—”

“Yes, your perfect, rich life that I would never fit in with. You made that crystal clear,” I sneered.

“What are you talking about? What did I ever do to make you think I thought I was better than you? Was it the way I listened to you? The way I shared my secrets with you? Oh no, it must’ve been the way I kissed you,” he said sarcastically.

Fuming, I stomped over until I was standing right in front of him, forcing him to crane his neck to look up at me. “No, it was that fucking letter you left for me to find, like I wasn’t even worth the time it would’ve taken for you to tell me in person,” I shouted.

That brought Topher up short and his forehead crinkled in confusion. “What letter?” he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“The one you taped to my front door,” I told him. The fight drained out of me as the memories of that day resurfaced, bringing with them a fresh wave of pain.

I stood in my bedroom, trying to figure out how to work the tie around my neck. When I finally had the knot looking somewhat decent, I stood back and observed myself in the cracked mirror that hung on the back of the door. The dress shoes pinched my toes, but I’d polished all the scuffs out of them until they shined, making them almost look like new.The dark blue suit I’d been lucky enough to find at a thrift store was too big on me, but it was the best I could do with the limited funds I’d had to work with. Nothing at all like the designer suit I was sure Topher would be wearing.

A smile spread across my face as I thought about Topher. His parents were throwing an extravagant graduation party for him after the ceremony and he’d been busy helping them set everything up, so I hadn’t seen him in a few days; not since the night we’d kissed. Closing my eyes, I reached up and ran my fingers over my bottom lip. I could still feel the press of his lips against mine, still taste the lingering sweetness of his tongue, still hear his gentle moans as I’d explored the depths of his mouth.

Kissing Topher Brooks had been everything I’d ever imagined, yet so much more. I’d never known my pulse could race like that or that my heart could feel like it had grown wings. I hadn’t known that one person could make me feel like I was breaking apart at the same time he was putting me back together. In that moment, the rest of the world—my parents, my worry over grades, questions about what lay ahead—all of that ceased to exist. The only thing that mattered was the two of us and that by some miracle, he was kissing me back.

I’d been embarrassed when his parents had walked in and caught us together. It certainly wasn’t the way I’d envisioned meeting them, but I took comfort in knowing that it couldn’t have been a complete shock to them and therefore they probably wouldn’t get too angry. After all, Topher had said that they’d known he was gay for several years. It was going to be awkward as hell when I had to face them later, but Topher was worth it.

He was worth everything. That’s why I was going to sit him down after the party that night and ask him to wait for me. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, with him off at college and me in the Marines, but I felt certain that we could make it work. If he wanted to. God, would he even want to? We hadn’t even said if we were in a relationship yet. Was I crazy to ask him to wait for me when I didn’t even know if he wanted to be my boyfriend? The answer was, probably. I was probably crazy, but I suppose love made you act a little crazy sometimes. Or at least it should, if you were doing it right.

Glancing at the alarm clock beside my bed, I knew I needed to get going. All the students were required to be at the school a half hour before the ceremony so the guidance counselor could line us up. Apparently, we were smart enough to pass our final exams, in fact, I had aced my last one, thanks to Topher, but we couldn’t be trusted to line ourselves up alphabetically by last name.

Walking across the hall to my parents’ room, I tapped on the door. When no one answered, I pushed it open. The room was dark, and I wrinkled my nose at the smell of stale booze and unwashed sheets that permeated the air. The slit between the two curtains allowed a tiny beam of light to filter in, illuminating my mother’s sleeping form amid the rumpled blankets and displaying the empty whiskey bottle that lay beside her on the floor. I held my breath, wondering as I always did, if this would be the time I’d find her dead, but after a few seconds, she let out a loud snore. Guess you’re not coming to my graduation. I waited to feel something—anger, sadness, disgust—but all I felt was emptiness.

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