Page 29 of Finally

I shook my head and walked back out of the room, shutting the door behind me. The sound of the front door slamming made me curious and I made it down the hall just in time to see my dad through the living room window as he walked down the driveway to his car. Hoping to catch a ride with him to the school, I ran out the door.

He turned at the sound of my voice and I could see the irritation on his face at having been stopped. “Uh, hey!” I said, as I approached him. “Can I catch a ride with you? These shoes are killing my feet, plus it’s too hot to be walking around in this suit. I’d be a sweaty mess by the time I got there.” I let out a nervous laugh. I felt uncomfortable, as if I were talking to a complete stranger instead of my father.

“By the time you got where?” He lifted his arm up to check his watch then let out an annoyed sigh.

“My grad—”

“Look, I’ve got an interview in ten minutes. I don’t have time to drive you anywhere. Maybe it’s time you got a job of your own and then you could get your own car. You can’t rely on me and your mother forever.” With that, he climbed into his car and shut the door.

“When have I ever been able to rely on either of you?” I mumbled as he pulled out of the driveway and drove off.

Letting out a sigh, I turned and started walking back to the house. With any luck, I’d find enough loose change in the cushions of the couch that I’d be able to take the bus. As I walked up the steps, I noticed a paper taped to the front door. I’d been in such a hurry to catch my father that I hadn’t noticed it before. I pulled it free and opened it, wondering who was threatening to disconnect our service that time: trash collector, electric company, water and sewer? I was just glad I wouldn’t be around to see it happen.

However, it wasn’t any of those, nor was it a letter for my parents. The note was for me. My hands started shaking as I read over the words, and despite the heat of the day, I suddenly felt cold all over.

Dear Greg,

I have enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know you, but with our graduation almost here, it has become clear to me how different our dreams are. With you going into the Marines and me going to college in the fall, our lives are heading in opposite directions. I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore.

Sincerely,

Christopher

Something dripped onto the paper, causing the ink to smudge and I looked up at the sky, wondering if it was about to rain, but the sun was shining without a cloud in sight. That’s when I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks and a sob tore from my chest. Each of my parents forgetting that it was my graduation day hadn’t fazed me, but a few words written on a piece of paper…that had the power to destroy me.

“Wait…what?” Topher asked. His face had gone completely white as he listened to me recount the memories from that day. He sank down onto the stool, shaking his head slowly and then stared up at me, searching my face for answers. “I don’t understand. None of this makes sense.”

Cramming my hands inside the pockets of my jeans, I shrugged. “It made perfect sense to me. I always knew you were better than me. You were smarter, you had tons of friends, and you had parents who loved you and would do anything for you. It was never going to work between us, you were just the only one brave enough to admit it. Still, it hurt to be cast aside like that, in a note just before our graduation.”

“Is that why you treated me so coldly when I saw you at the school?”

I stared down at my feet. It was hard enough admitting how badly he’d hurt me, I didn’t need to look him in the eyes as I did it. “It was easier to get angry and act like a jerk. That was the only way I was going to be able to make it through graduation without falling apart,” I murmured.

Topher made a choking sound, and when I looked up, his face was twisted as if he were in pain and a single tear slipped down his cheek. “Greg.” He opened and shut his mouth several times before he was able to get the words out. “I never left a note for you.”

I looked at him through narrowed eyes, trying to make sense of his words and weighing the truth behind them. “Of course, you did. I read it. Several times.”

“I believe you. I believe there was a note. I just wasn’t the one who wrote it,” he whispered.

“But that doesn’t make sense. No one else knew we’d been spending time together. I’d never told anyone else that I was going into the Marines after graduation. You’re the only one who knew those things,” I insisted. I could feel hope wanting to take root inside my heart, but I couldn’t let that happen. Not until I knew the truth.

“I’m not the only one. My parents knew. I told them after they found us kissing that night,” Topher insisted. As shock went through me, I could see the honesty in his eyes, along with the hurt he was feeling over his parents’ actions. “I can’t believe they did this. That they made you think I didn’t want you; that there could ever be a moment when I wouldn’t want you in my life. Not to mention what I went through.”

“Tell me,” I whispered, needing to hear it all.

“I showed up at the school that day, excited to see you and hoping to convince you to kiss me again at my party. But then I said hi to you and you acted so cold, like you didn’t care about me at all and I wondered if you regretted our kiss. For weeks, I was angry. I thought you’d used me to get your grades up, and once you’d passed your last exam, you decided to toss me aside. But then I began to think about all the time we’d spent together; the things we talked about and the moments we shared that had absolutely nothing to do with school or grades. I believed that what we’d found had been special, but eventually, I had to come to terms with the fact that you’d only left because you didn’t feel the same way about me that I felt about you. I spent that whole summer wallowing in my misery and still couldn’t snap out of it once I went to college. I hid in my dorm room, barely leaving unless it was to go to class or to take a shower. Then I met Maddie and he forced me to start living again.”

I was reeling, my mind struggling to make sense of everything he’d just told me. I’d spent so many years believing that he hadn’t wanted me, that I hadn’t been good enough for him. Topher had suffered too, believing that I’d used him or just didn’t care about him the same way he’d cared about me. We both had been robbed of a future together and, whether we would’ve made it or not, we’d never know, but it should’ve been our choice to make. Our choice, not anyone else’s.

I started to reach for him, but then pulled back, unsure. Sensing my hesitancy, Topher stood and took a few steps, closing whatever distance remained between us. He leaned up on his toes and I bent down, meeting him halfway. I heard a sob as our lips came together, but I couldn’t be sure which one of us it had come from. Maybe both. I pulled back a few moments later, each of us breathing heavily. My hands came up to cradle his face and he slid his arms around my waist as we stared into each other’s eyes.

“I would’ve never walked away from you on my own. You were the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. You were my best friend and I was in love with you,” I whispered.

Topher gazed up at me with those beautiful blue-green eyes, staring at me in a way I never thought he’d look at me again. “I never thought I was better than you because you were already the most incredible person I’d ever known. I was in love with you too and I’m so sorry for what my parents did, how they made you feel—”

“Shhh. There will be time for all of that later. Right now, I just want to hold you…if you’ll let me.”

Topher nodded. I could tell he was worn out and I could feel exhaustion creeping in on me too as the emotions of the day began to take their toll. Taking his hand, we made our way around the cabin, making sure all the windows and doors were locked and turning off the lights. Without letting go, I led him into my room where we undressed down to our boxer briefs, then climbed into bed.

Neither of us said a word as we lay down on our sides facing each other as we let the truth of what had happened sink in. My mind was racing with all the things I wanted to do and say. I wanted to know everything that had happened to him over the last twenty years and I wanted him to know all about me. However, I knew that would have to wait. What we needed more than anything else right then was peace. We’d earned it. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer and breathing out a sigh as he laid his head on my chest. Nothing had ever felt more right in my entire life.

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