Page 12 of Finally

My stomach roiled and I set my cup down on the desk, no longer interested in drinking it. I looked up at him, seeing the concern on his face. “I’ve only ever been called that by one person, and it was a really long time ago. It just took me by surprise to hear it again after all these years.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you by calling you that. I just thought it was cute that Greg had developed a nickname for you on his first day here. He said it was the name of someone he used to know. Would you like me to speak with him and let him know you don’t want to be called Topher?” he offered kindly.

“No, don’t say anything to him, please,” I said with a wince.

Maddie gave me a curious look. “What’s really going on?”

I sighed. “I’m the someone he was referring to. Greg gave me that nickname a long time ago. We grew up in the same town and went to school together.”

Maddie’s face registered surprise at that bit of information, but then his brows furrowed and I could tell that he was trying to choose his next words carefully. His tone was gentle when he spoke. “Does Greg have anything to do with what you were going through when I first met you?”

“Yes.”

Maddie’s face went from concerned to pissed off in a matter of seconds. “Did he bully you? Was it because you’re gay? Because I don’t care how big and strong he is or that he probably knows at least a hundred ways to kill a man with his bare hands, if he wants to be an asshole to you then I’ll go out there and tell him to get the hell out right now. We don’t need to put up with any homophobic assholes. Not out in the world and certainly not in our workplace.”

I barked out a laugh. “No, it was nothing like that, but I appreciate your loyalty and willingness to stand up for me.”

“Of course, I would, and I know you’d do the same for me. That’s what being a best friend is all about,” he said simply. We shared a smile and I felt some of the tension that had been coiling throughout my body loosen, just a bit.

“Greg never bullied me, and as far as I know, he’s gay or at least bisexual so you don’t have to worry about him being homophobic,” I assured him.

“So, what’s the story then?”

I drew in a deep breath then blew it out. “I’d known Greg forever, but we didn’t really get to know each other until our senior year of high school when he asked me to tutor him. We spent every afternoon together, but it wasn’t all about the tutoring.” My thoughts drifted back to that first day as I told Maddie the story. God, I’d been so nervous.

The bell rang, signaling the end of the day and it was all I could do not to leap up from my desk and race down the hallway to my locker. I forced myself to walk at a steady pace, so I wouldn’t look like a fool in front of Greg. All I needed was to go barreling down the hall and crash into him, no doubt scaring him away with my eagerness.

The truth was, I’d been infatuated with Greg Wright ever since I discovered I liked boys instead of girls. In fact, he was the reason I’d made that discovery in the first place. It was the first day of school our freshman year, and once again, Greg and I had been placed in several of the same classes. He’d always seemed like a nice enough guy, kind of quiet and a little sad looking sometimes, but that just seemed to add to the air of mystery surrounding him.

We were in gym class and he walked out of the locker room dressed in basketball shorts and a t-shirt that was too small for him but accentuated how much he’d grown over the summer. His shoulders were a little bit broader than the year before and there was definition in the muscles of his arms that most guys our age didn’t have yet. Those weren’t the only changes to have happened to him. He’d also lost some of the childhood fullness along his cheeks and jaw, making his features more grown-up and masculine and his voice had deepened to a rich bass. It was as if he’d left school the year before as a caterpillar and emerged the next year as a butterfly.

But where most of the boys in our class were envious of the changes in him while we were all still stuck in that horribly awkward adolescent stage of our lives, I was feeling something else entirely. I’d never understood why my friends got so crazy whenever a girl would smile at them or giggle at their jokes, but I figured maybe I just hadn’t been around the right girl yet. But the physical response I had to seeing Greg that day made everything very clear. My hands grew sweaty and my heart started racing, and I felt a stirring down deep in my belly. I knew right then that no girl was going to make me react the same way. I was gay.

I eventually told my parents and then my friends, all of whom didn’t seem to care one way or the other. They said I was still the same guy they’d always known, and they just wanted me to be happy. I knew how lucky I was. Being gay, while having lost some of its stigma over the last ten years, was still frowned upon by most of society. To be able to be myself and still be accepted by those closest to me was a small miracle. Still, I never let on to anyone that I had a crush on someone. There were too many unknowns to ever divulge that information. How would Greg react if he knew? Was he even interested in guys and, if so, would he ever be interested in me? I decided it was best to just keep my feelings to myself and enjoy my fantasies rather than have them crushed by finding out Greg was straight, or worse, disgusted by me.

So, I’d hidden my crush for the next three years. That’s why I’d been completely blown away when he’d approached me the day before and asked for my help. It was the first time he’d ever spoken to me directly and I’d thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. Somehow, I’d managed to hold my end of the conversation and we’d agreed to a deal of sorts. One that would not only help both of us, but also allow me to spend some time with him.

As I headed down the hall, my pulse kicked up a notch as I saw the tall, dark-haired figure leaning against my locker. He was wearing an older pair of jeans and a gray shirt I’d seen him wear a hundred times. There was nothing special about it, just a plain gray t-shirt, but I got excited whenever he wore it because I thought it brought out the silver in his eyes. He straightened as I approached and smiled shyly.

“Hi. I wasn’t sure if you’d changed your mind or not. It’s okay if you have, I know you have enough stuff of your own going on—” I had to interrupt. I could tell he was really nervous, and I didn’t want him to be. Not with me. Not ever.

“I haven’t changed my mind at all. Are you still willing to hold up your end of the deal?” I asked.

“Yeah. Of course,” he agreed. He smiled at me then, a genuine smile and I could see the relief in his eyes.

“Okay then. Let me just grab a few books and we can get going. Do you want to follow me in your car?” I asked as I opened the locker and began sorting through it, trying to remember which books I’d need in order to do my homework.

“Um, I don’t have a car,” he murmured, frowning down at his gym shoes. They were scuffed and had a small hole along the toes. I didn’t know much about him other than the fact he made my heart skip a beat whenever I saw him, but it was obvious that his family didn’t have a lot of money.

“That’s okay, you can just ride with me. That way I don’t have to worry about you getting lost or anything,” I told him.

“Okay,”he said.I pretended to concentrate on zipping my bookbag, so he’d know I thought it was no big deal, but I caught the smile on his face out of the corner of my eye and it sent a wave of warmth through my chest. I liked seeing him smile. I’d known him long enough to know how rare that was, and I promised myself to try and make him do it as often as possible.

We made small talk on the drive to my house and I was pleased to discover that we had very similar tastes when it came to music and movies. We also liked the same toppings on our pizza and we both thought putting fruit in Jell-O was disgusting. By the time we got to my house, Greg seemed more relaxed than I’d ever seen him.

We went inside, and I tossed my backpack onto one of the kitchen chairs and went to the fridge to see what we had in the way of snacks. As I rummaged through the fridge, I noticed Greg looking around the room as if he’d never seen anything like it before. I’d grown up in the house, so I’d never given too much thought to what it would look like to someone who’d never been there before. I suppose it was rather large for just three people and the new appliances and wooden corner cabinet that my parents had picked up during a trip to Italy might seem a bit much, but to me, it was home.

“Would you like a quick tour of the house before we start?” I asked. I wasn’t trying to show off, I just wanted him to feel comfortable in my home. Hopefully, we’d be spending a lot of time together and I wanted him to be able to relax while he was there.

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