Page 56 of Six Wishes

“I care this much about what you think of me, of this whole fucking mess with the pictures,” I throw my arm out to encompass the whole damn world, “because I love you, Chloe.” She gasps out loud and covers her mouth with both hands. “I’d burn the world for you. But I’d also burn us both in the process. And that scares me.”

“I love you, too,” Chloe bursts out, not wanting to let me finish what I have to say. And I am not sure that she will like what I have to say next.

I wish this moment was something for the memories. I’d bottle it up and carry it with me forever. And I hope to get there one day. Just not today.

I can tell from the way she is looking at me that my reaction to her confession is not what she was expecting. We’re not out of the woods yet, Chlo, I think to myself.

“I did a thing for you,” I continue, still not giving her what I know she wants. “First, I have to tell you that the last couple of hours have been wild for me. I came to the conclusion that you were right…” I stop talking and take a moment to regroup. This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.

“I was right about what?” I hate how unsure her voice sounds now. The happiness that lit up her eyes only minutes ago is now gone. She definitely looks apprehensive.

“About us moving too fast. I agree. I am thinking the same. I was just a little slower getting to that conclusion,” I let out a nervous laugh but don’t get anything in return. Chloe just continues to watch me carefully. “I think we should take a break.”

My arm is still thrown over her shoulders and I feel her entire body tensing up when I say that. She nods and turns her head to look ahead, but doesn’t say a word.

“This doesn’t mean I love you any less, Chloe,” I insist, and I am second guessing my decision to pull back from her as soon as these last words leave my mouth. How am I going to just leave her here like this?

“I understand, Van,” her words reach me like through a fog. “Thank you for coming here to tell me in person.” She reaches down and starts playing with the bottom of her dress that’s reaching her ankles. Her fingers run in a simple pattern, going over the same spot, over and over, betraying her distress with our conversation.

“Chloe,” I try to bring her body against mine again, but she fights me on it, so I let go of her. She straightens her shoulders and stands up abruptly.

“I need to go now, Van. Thank you. Again,” she turns sad eyes on me, and I am momentarily left speechless. I don’t remember why I said what I said anymore. Why I put the brakes on our relationship. Just… why?

The front door to Mary Montgomery’s house opens behind me, and I am almost afraid to look. I am afraid to face my mom. Her mom. Chloe. I just fucked up, I can feel it in my bones.

“You kids got everything sorted out?” Mom’s happy voice echoes on the porch. My heart starts beating fast in my chest, and I don’t know what to say.

Chloe decides to have some pity on me and takes the lead. “Mary, I think Van is ready to go. If you are. I’m ready to go too, Mom,” she looks behind my mom to hers.

“Of course, honey,” her mom rushes back in the house to grab her wallet, and Chloe mumbles something about having to grab her shoes and purse. I am left alone with my mom.

“What the hell is going on, Donovan?” she snaps at me as soon as we are alone. “I thought you came here to clear things up with Chloe. We could cut the tension with a damn butcher’s knife when we opened the door.”

“I…” I clear my throat and try again. “We’re going to take a break.”

“A break?!” Mom’s shriek can be heard for miles, I am sure. “This better not be a Ross and Rachel kind of break, Donovan Michael Boyd, or so help me God and all that’s holy…”

I have no idea what she is talking about. “Who are Ross and Rachel?”

“Who are…?” She can’t even finish her sentence. She puts a hand over her chest and gasps in shock. “I have completely failed as a mother. I just can’t believe this.”

“You can tell me about it later,” I wave her off and just stare back at the door through which Chloe and her mother disappeared.

“Are you okay?” she doesn’t sound as hysterical when she is asking me that. Not like when I didn’t know the people she talked about a minute ago.

“I don’t think so,” is all I can mutter, then turn around and walk back to the car.

I know I am not okay.

---