Page 17 of Recklessly, Wildly Yours

“It makes me someone I never imagined becoming and I’m not sure what to do with that.”

I reach for her hand to get her full attention again because she’s drifted from me a little, deep in her pain. “I know that feeling all too well, and the best advice I can give you is to take some time away so you can start to hear yourself again. Fuck knows the world will tell you how you should think about yourself if you let it.” I pause. “Don’t let it, Maddie. Go away. Be by yourself. And here’s something to think about: that career you think those people and those fans gave you? I call bullshit. They gave you a chance. You gave yourself what you have now and no matter what happens, your heart and talent hasn’t gone anywhere. Don’t ever forget that.”

Her fingers tighten around mine. “Thank you for saying that. I hope I can be brave enough to do something with your advice.”

Her last truth she shares touches the chaos inside me. There’s something about another human admitting their struggle that helps me get good with my own battles in life. And tonight, I really fucking needed this.

6

@thetea_gasp

Holy shit, girlfriend. @madelinemontana was a runaway bride yesterday! Say sike rn! Seriously, though, we just can’t. And right when we were ready to stay in our cowgirl era forever. Did you all catch that photo of @tuckerbrandt last night about to board a jet plane to Sadsville? Our tears for him. I mean, not only has he lost his bride, but what about the world tour he and Maddie had planned together for next month? There is SO. MUCH. TEA. to sip here, bestie! There’s been no word from Maddie, though. Gasp! And no sightings. I mean, are we sure our girl hasn’t been kidnapped by a serial killer? Surely, no girl in her right mind would run away from Tucker. We’re on strict #MaddieWatch and will report back the very minute we know more!

7

Madeline

Ethan Black might not have gone searching for wealth, but the man sure as heck found it. I mean, he was born into it, but based on his condo, I think he’s done a good job of amassing his own money.

His condo is jaw dropping. And that’s saying something because I’ve lived with Tucker and he loves to splash his cash all over the place. Ethan lives in a tower in Brooklyn Heights. His condo takes up the top two floors and has insane views of New York Harbor, Manhattan, and the East River. The attention to detail is amazing. He gave me a quick tour when we arrived here last night and while I prefer a white and airy style, I can appreciate the sleekness of the darker tones he’s chosen. The black and gray throughout, along with the minimalism, fits in with the sense I’ve gotten of him. Ethan strikes me as a man who is very comfortable in his masculinity and not fussy in any area of his life. I think he’s a guy who likes to get to the point and get there fast.

I slept better last night than I have all year and while I could put that down to the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in, I know that’s not the reason.

I feel free.

Sure, that freedom is actually a state of utter disorder, but still, I can breathe now and that’s not something I’ve been able to say for a very long time.

After we arrived at the condo last night, Ethan gave me a tour and then Leigh arrived with my belongings. Ethan gave us space to talk and she relayed to me just how much shit I’m in.

Darren is on the warpath. Not surprising to me. Tucker too. Again, no surprise. What was a surprise is that Leigh knew Tucker was cheating on me, as did, according to her, most of the people we work with.

She strode into Ethan’s condo last night with a plan for how we’re going to tackle this. Leigh already disliked Tucker and hated Darren as much as I do, but I’ve never seen her as passionate as she was last night. I imagine she’s probably like that with her friends and all I can think is that I wish I had a friend like Leigh. Perhaps I wouldn’t be in this mess if I did.

She handed me a new phone, already programed with the numbers I need. Then came my suitcase, a list of properties for sale in Nashville that she thinks I should look at to find my new home, and a list of potential new managers. As I glanced at her lists, she told me I should also find a new lawyer. “Actually,” she’d said with a whole lot of certainty that helped me feel okay about my actions, “you need a whole new team, Maddie. Tucker has really fucked you over by getting you to sign on with his people. I swear they’ve screwed you over with your percentages. And I’m not even a little bit sorry if I’m talking out of line here. I think you need someone in your life who will give you the hard facts.”

She was right.

They have screwed me over.

And I’ve known that for a long time but I’ve been buried under my gratitude for being “rescued” by Tucker that I’ve done my best to ignore it all. Besides, I’d planned on being his wife and spending my life with him, so I didn’t think it mattered in the scheme of things.

Oh, how dumb I’ve been.

I’ve undervalued myself for too long.

“I know,” I’d admitted and smiled at her wide-eyed shock.

“Well, why the fuck were you still with them?” she’d demanded.

We’d talked for an hour or so after that and I told her I was done with being taken advantage of. I also admitted that I had no idea what my next move was. She left with everything hanging in the air. And while I know she felt apprehensive about not having a solid plan, because if there’s one thing Leigh and I have always had it’s a plan, I also know she has great trust in me and my ability.

“Everything’s going to work out,” I whisper to myself as I stare at the river through the window of the bedroom Ethan let me stay in. “I’m going to figure this out and everything’s going to be okay.”

I’m still pep talking myself as I go in search of coffee. Pep talks and me go way back. My entire life has been one long internal motivational speech and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

“Morning,” Ethan says when I walk into the kitchen.

I glance up from my phone where I’ve been scrolling the news posted about my wedding and come face to face with bare skin and muscles that render me brainless.

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