Page 16 of Recklessly, Wildly Yours

And not one I’ve ever been asked or had to contemplate the answer to. “If I had to guess, I’d say it comes from a longing to be known.”

Maddie nods slowly like she’s thinking about the fact every word I just uttered was pulled from my soul. From my bones. And I have no fucking clue how I know that’s what she’s thinking, but I’m surer of that than I’ve been of anything in a long while.

“You just want to be seen,” she echoes softly.

I hold her stare while I think about the fucking mysterious ways of the universe. Of all the days and all the ways to meet someone. “Yeah. Isn’t that what everyone wants?”

“Yes, but I don’t know anyone who actually thinks about this, let alone talks about it. Everyone’s so busy trying, trying, trying. To fit in. To reach for more. To be more. All the while not having a clue why. We never put words to our real why and so we just keep on striving for things we maybe don’t even want.”

Fuck, I wish we had more than one night for this conversation. Since we don’t, and since we’ll likely never see each other again, I cut straight to the question I’d love to know the answer to. “When you said you tried to make it work with your fiancé because you didn’t want to upset people, who were you referring to if not your parents?”

“I was engaged to Tucker Brandt. Have you heard of him?”

“No.”

“God, it cannot be stated enough just how much I like that.” She exhales a breath and I get the impression she’s got a great deal of heaviness to discard over her ex. “Tucker is the biggest selling country singer in the world. Has been for years. I met him when I was sent to write a song with him, and the rest is history. The—”

“When you say, ‘the rest’, I’m gonna need you to fill those details in.”

“Let’s just say it was a whirlwind romance. I was living with him five weeks after we met.” At my surprised expression, she makes wide eyes at me and says, “I know. Dumb.”

“No, not dumb. That’s not what I’m thinking.” I shrug. “The heart wants what the heart wants, Maddie. Fuck anyone who tries to make you feel stupid for following it.”

“Yeah, but even you just looked shocked at the fact I shacked up with him so fast.”

“Not shocked. Surprised, yes, but only because it’s a rare occasion I meet someone like me.”

“What?” Now, she’s surprised. “You’ve done something like that too?”

I laugh. “My entire life has been one long succession of following my heart and getting it banged the fuck up.”

Maddie appears amazed at my admission. But there’s also some disbelief mixed in there. “Right, but have you ever moved in with someone five weeks after meeting them and then practically signed your life over to them?”

My grin meets my ears. “If this is a competition, you’re going to be sadly disappointed when I win.”

Her grin matches mine. “Show me what you’ve got.”

“I moved my second girlfriend out of her place that she shared with a guy who abused her and let her stay with me. We’d met the night before in a bar. No sex, nothing, just her crying on my shoulder about her boyfriend. She lived with me for just over a year, and in that time I gave her not only my heart but also my car, whatever cash she wanted, and one of my closest friends. My next girlfriend—”

“Wait.” Maddie holds up her hand to stop me. “When you say you gave her a friend, do you mean she left you for them?”

“She cheated on me with him for most of our relationship.”

Her face darkens. “Assholes.”

“I thought so.”

“Okay, your next girlfriend.”

“Brianna. She moved herself in after our fourth date. Tried to convince me to get her pregnant. We were twenty-year-old kids and I was crazy blind in love. It’s a wonder you’re not looking at a father of an eight-year-old child.”

A laugh bubbles out of her. “Maybe you will win.”

My mood shifts from fun to something darker as I think about sharing something I’ve waged a war with myself over for the last year and a half. “My last girlfriend stole half a mil from me before leaving me. That was after two years of slowly coming between me and my brothers to the point that when Callan tried to talk sense into me, I chose her over him. The truly fucked-up thing is that I would have forgiven her and given her more if she’d asked for it. So, yeah, I’ve practically signed my life over to someone else. You and I have that in common.”

Maddie is quiet for a moment. Then, she cracks her heart open and gives me her unglamourous truth. “I was going to marry Tucker today because I didn’t want to rock the boat with my management or the people who took a risk on me when they gave me my career.” Her voice turns to an almost-whisper when she adds, “I didn’t want to upset them or my fans because I fear losing that career. And I don’t know what kind of person that makes me, Ethan. To think I could marry someone to keep a career.”

“It makes you human.”

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