Page 142 of Chaos

“Kai, just tell me what to do. Shall I just join you? Put me out of this fucking misery?” I whisper into the air.

He can’t reply.

He’s gone.

And I am so fucking lost.

No one can help me now.

Pressing the cylinder release, it swings open.

Six bullets.

Taking out four, I place them upright on the counter.

Two bullets on opposite sides, waiting to be fired. Closing it up, I spin it.

Maybe in the next life I’ll do better. I’ll find my sweet Sofia again, and my little baby girl. I can be who they need me to be.

I surrender my life to the mercy of fate for one last time.

SIXTY-SEVEN

SOFIA

I hear the rumble of Nikolai’s Hellcat and run to the door. Lara, looking concerned, gently takes Maeve from my arms and comforts me with a soothing stroke on my shoulder.

“Be strong for both of them, Sofia.”

The overwhelming need to break down takes over. But, I don’t have time for that. I kick my ass into gear and get in the passenger seat before Nikolai speeds out of the driveway.

“Do you know where he is?” I ask. Blood is pounding in my ears making it hard to concentrate.

His jaw remains tightly clenched as he nods, never once taking his eyes off the road.

“Penthouse in one of my brother’s casinos.”

Why would he?

I cover my face with my hands. He couldn’t do it at home, or at Nikolai’s. Where we could stop him.

“Jax is still in there somewhere, Sofia. We just have to find him and drag him back out.”

“How?”

What do I do to show someone who believes the world would be better without them?

“You do whatever you have to. Anything, Sofia. He won’t be rational right now, he’s in a fucking dark place. When you find something that gets through to him, use it.”

I will do anything for Jax.

As the wipers squeak against the window, I ball my fists, stabbing my nails into my palms. I let Jax down so badly.

“This isn’t your fault, Sofia,” Nikolai says softly, I can hear the guilt he’s feeling in his tone. We all feel it.

Pulling into the parking lot, Nikolai hands me a keycard and I see Jax’s bike. Blind panic starts to set in. What if I’m too late?

He points to the side door. “In there, there is an elevator. It will take you straight into the penthouse.”

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