Page 133 of Chaos

Sofia’s home.

It’s only a moment later that the engine to the Hellcat pulls in.

Sofia comes in through the kitchen to find me sorting the books back onto the small shelf.

“What’s with the teddy bear in the garbage can?” she asks as she watches me.

“It’s trash. It was a mistake. Every time she sees it, she cries.” I don’t look at her.

I can’t. It hurts too much.

“Jax. She will love it one day. Her daddy got it for her. It’s just a bit big for her.” She steps forward, almost like she’s going to touch me.

But, she doesn’t.

I wish, more than anything, she would.

“Kids grow up. They learn to appreciate what they have.” Her words are quiet. “We all need to learn those lessons, sometimes.”

Is she still talking about Maeve? I can’t tell.

“Some of us are too thick-headed. We just make the same mistakes.” Brushing past her, I rush out the front and slump into the passenger seat next to Nikolai.

“Did it help?” he asks as he reverses out of the driveway.

“No.”

SIXTY-THREE

SOFIA

Song- In The End, Linkin Park

This is the first time I’ve been out without Jax, and I’m nervous.

I know it’s just with the girls from work, but it feels like somehow it’s admitting that he isn’t a part of me anymore.

And, that hurts.

I don’t want it to be over. He seems genuinely upset about what happened.

Would there be a way for us to move on, together?

It would be hard to trust him. But, this ache, this pain that stabs me into my chest every single time I think about him, would it go away?

Maybe I’ll think about it another night. Trying to get him to talk might be my first step.

If he wants to. He’s so hard to read, I can’t tell if he wants to come back, or if he’s content to stay away.

I didn’t want to push my luck with him, since he’s been so erratic lately, so I asked Lara if she could watch Maeve tonight for me.

The fact that I’m used to taking care of my daughter alone frustrates me. She should have her dad.

I want him. It kills me every time I pass a motorcycle on the street and I get that flutter in my belly that it might be him.

Maeve tangles her fingers in my hair as I ring the bell at Lara’s.

She meets me with a big smile, flips her long blonde hair behind her shoulder and immediately reaches for Maeve. “Hi, curly q!”

---